CorporateCoach eNewsletter
Issue No. 67, 12th July 2004
CONTENTS
- Editorial:
When to use eye contact
- Coaching
notes: Coaching the alpha male
1.
Editorial: When to use eye contact
I have been
studying the video of Monty Roberts, "Join Up", having previously
read his book. It is fascinating how he is able to relate to and attract
a wild horse by using body language he has learned from observing mustangs.
He can also do it with deer. A key part is the use of eye contact. If
he wants to relate to the horse and attract it towards him he must avoid
eye contact. Consider; what do most people do when they want to make friends
with a horse? They go up to it, look it in the eye and pat it on the nose.
Based on what we do with humans, but not correct for horses – omit
the eye contact.
I was interested,
therefore, when studying relationships last week with Michael Grinder,
that he should say that when giving a command (especially to a teenager),
we should avoid eye contact. Eye contact is great for relating but bad
for managing – it implies the person is a 'bad person'.
He further
suggested that if we include a standard action with our command we can
soon communicate the command by body language alone – thus reducing
the resistance generated by 'being told'. Not only useful with teenagers,
he said, but in business meetings too.
However,
proper use of eye contact is important. Avoiding eye contact can give
an impression of shiftiness. A short eye contact, then looking away, is
a component of flirting, attracting someone's attention. A prolonged stare
has the opposite effect. The skill is to know when to use eye contact
and how long to hold the gaze.
Here is a
list from John Bittleston: -
- When you
meet someone for the first time
- When negotiations
and discussions get tricky
- When you
have to fire someone
- When you
are holding a meeting
- When you
are congratulating someone
- Whenever
you say goodbye to someone
I have been
investigating hotels for my trip to Asia. I can remember ten years ago
being impressed that I could arrange my insurance from a car park using
my car phone – a heavy box fitted in the boot of the car and wired
through to the handset. Now I can arrange hotels and flights, purchase
books and investigate all sorts of matters over the Internet – from
my office or a coffee shop. Very soon I shall also be able to do it from
my car as 3G telephony is rolled out. And soon I shall be able to replace
my typing with voice recognition. Already we are using voice over Internet
for international communication. Huge progress in a decade.
I have been
facilitating a major scenario planning exercise for a UK utility. What
will technology have to offer in an other ten years? More significantly,
what processes do you have for ensuring that your organisation manages
progress – both opportunities and threats? Are you responding now?
What will be the impact on your organisation in three, let alone ten years?
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2.
Coaching notes: Coaching the alpha male
Source: Harvard Business Review, May 2004, Kate Ludeman
and Eddie Erlandson
I strongly
recommend this article form the Harvard Business Review. It is
downloadable for $6.00. Here is a synopsis.
Most people
feel stress when they have to make important decisions; alphas get stressed
when tough decisions don’t rest in their capable hands. Alphas think
very fast, and this rapid processing can prevent them from listening to
others – especially those who don’t communicate in alphaspeak.
Their impatience can cause them to miss subtle but important details.
Alphas, moreover, have opinions about everything, and they rarely admit
that those opinions might be wrong or incomplete.
Alphas make
perfect mid-level managers, where their primary role is to oversee processes.
But as they approach CEO level, they’re expected to become inspirational
people managers. Unfortunately, most organisations aren’t good at
helping alphas make the required transition, which can be the greatest
challenge of their careers. Alphas require skilled coaches because it’s
difficult for them to ask for help or even to acknowledge that they need
it.
The coach’s
challenge is to preserve an alpha’s strengths while correcting his
weaknesses. Coaches shouldn’t undermine the alpha’s focus
on results; they should improve the process for achieving them. For the
alpha, that distinction is of paramount importance.
The coach
doesn’t have to be an alpha, but it helps to share characteristics
such as an analytical orientation and a direct style of communication.
The executive coach best suited to alphas has lots of experience handling
superstars and standing up to bullies.
When executive
coaches fail to help alphas and their organisations, it’s often
because they fall into one of three traps: -
- First,
some coaches make the mistake of playing “loose and light”
– that is, they come across as too passive, simply reacting anecdotally
to the alpha by falling back on their own non-executive experience and
perspective. If an alpha believes his coach plans to turn him into an
oversensitive wimp, he’ll never give the coach a chance.
- A second
trap coaches fall into is excessive secrecy. Coaches understandably
want to maintain a high degree of confidentiality during their work.
However, it is only by seeking input from co-workers that the coach
can understand the issues surrounding the alpha’s behaviour -
and only by talking openly about his commitment to change can the alpha
turn around the pervasive organisational distrust he has created.
- The third
trap is to show deference – to kowtow. This can be the difference
between establishing a constructive relationship or an irrelevant one.
The right
way to coach alpha males
Get
his attention. The best way to capture an alpha male’s
attention is with data – copious, credible, consistent data. That’s
why 360 degree feedback is vital – to provide undeniable proof that
his behaviour (to which he is much attached) doesn’t work nearly
as well as he thinks it does. A 360 degree feedback is a wake-up call
to most alphas.
Demand
his commitment. Clarify his intention with two simple questions:
Do you want to change? Are you willing to do whatever it takes, including
allowing the coach to help you?
Speak
his language. Since alphas think in charts, graphs and metrics,
for maximum impact, present the data that way – in alphaspeak.
Hit
him hard enough to hurt. Since they believe in “no pain,
no gain,” they respond remarkably well to hard-hitting language.
Regulate the level of pain, keeping it high enough to get their full attention
but also presenting the changes as attainable. This can be the point at
which lip service gives way to genuine understanding.
Engage
his curiosity and competitive instincts. Introduce tools and
check lists he can use to monitor his behaviour, models of how alphas
tend to operate. Encourage him to monitor his behaviour to see how quickly
he can shift to a more open frame of mind and improved behaviour.
USEFUL
LINKS:
DIARY
DATES :
Here are
some dates when I shall be travelling to meet subscribers and potential
business partners. If you would like to meet me, please contact
me.
- 22-28
July, Dubai, UAE - Crowne Plaza Hotel
- 29-31
July, Mumbai, India - Taj Mahal Palace and Tower
- 2-4 August,
Singapore - Robertson Quay Hotel
- 6-10 August,
Melbourne, Australia
- 19-22
Sydney, Australia
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