The GROW model is a fundamental model of coaching and provides a structure for helping people decide what they want and commit to achieving it.

First, remember what coaching is about. It is about raising awareness and clarifying goals.

For a coach, this is driven by curiosity and caring.

GROW

The GROW model is a simple and effective process for coaching. It follows this sequence: –

• GOAL setting for the session as well as short and long term

• REALITY checking to explore the current situation

• OPTIONS and alternative strategies or courses of action

• WHAT is to be done, WHEN, by WHOM and the WILL to do it.

Checklist

Here is a set of basic questions that you can use with the GROW model.

Goal – What do you want to achieve?

• What do you want?
• What are the areas you would like to discuss?
• What specifically do you want to achieve?
• What would you like instead?
• What would be better than that?

Reality – Where are you now in relation to this goal?

• What is happening at the moment?
• What are you assuming here?
• What will happen if you do not achieve this goal?
• What will happen if you do achieve this goal?
• What resources do you already have to help you achieve your goal?

Options – What could you do to make sure that you achieve your goal?

• What could you do to change this situation?
• What approaches have you seen used in similar circumstances?
• What would you do differently if you were able to start again?
• Who might be able to help?
• What are you overlooking?

What next – What will you do to make sure that you achieve your goal?

• What are you going to do?
• Will this action meet your goal?
• What might stop you?
• Rate your motivation to do this on a scale of 1-10
• What it is the first thing you are going to do – immediately?

Exercise

Your exercise is to practice using these specific questions. They are well tested and powerful.

Do not be concerned about using a check list in public.

If you coach people effectively, they will be impressed by the progress they make. And they will recognise that by demonstrating that you are learning, you will be providing them with a role model, too.

When you are confident with the specific questions, then start to vary them to fit the situation. But, remember: a good question is always a good question; lean on the learnings of others.

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• The Indian School of Executive Coaching

I have been doing three of the things in life that I most enjoy.

And, fortunately, they are all related. I have been developing content for training courses and workshops, I have been organising events and I have been teaching.

What’s more, I have been able to do much of it in the warm climes of Asia. I am definitely a warm blooded person and, for a change, have actually been able to wear my tropical kit in the UK for a couple of days, though I understand that the weather is already going cooler.

I know that variety helps us to enjoy the contrast, but I would definitely prefer a greater balance in favour of sunshine.

Of course, when I visit warm places the locals say how much they would enjoy Britain’s cooler climate!

Anyway, Brefi Group is now established Asia, and looking to grow through more local joint ventures in which we provide the content in terms of program design, handouts and initial teaching.

Gradually we intend to build teams of more local coaches and trainers.

Web site search resources

It is more than ten years since we designed our first web site and we have been through a number of iterations, alternately spawning new ones and then consolidating them.

When people ring me up and refer to having seen something on our web site I am often at a loss, because I don’t know which one they are referring to. So it is time for another consolidation. It is a question of how best to represent our specialist services and at the same time to demonstrate that we are an integrated organisation/management development resource.

The first step has been to integrate the search facility, which you will find at the top right of this page. It now include all our main sites.

Interesting feedback from Google is that we have 2,310 indexed pages.

So if you are looking for something – – remember to look with us.

Next stage will be refocusing from the various streams that we offer to a target market structure – some challenge with so many pages to move.

The Wealth Garden

On Friday 28 May, Apple will launch their iPad in the UK. But what will you be able to read on this stylish new e-reader?

Well, the day before, Yinspire Media will publish The Wealth Garden.

I am delighted to be a co-author of this multi-media book, which has text, audio and video components.

More than thirty entrepreneurs from five continents share their true stories of success through the application of Wealth Dynamics, a revolutionary profiling system that I have mentioned previously. Wealth Dynamics is a powerful tool that helps you identify your ideal path to lasting wealth creation.

I use it with my clients in teambuilding exercises.

My chapter is titled “Top Performance from Teams at the Top” and refers to my experience coaching new directors and the effect of personality balance on different boards.

As part of the launch, purchasers will receive links to many valuable special offers. I am currently writing a six month distance learning foundation programme covering director needs and board processes, which will form part of the offer.

Look out for my email announcing the publication, with a link so that you can get the special offers.

If you would like to make this available to your own list of contacts, please contact me.

Richard Winfield is founder of Brefi Group.
An international facilitator, he coaches and
facilitates directors and boards in transition:
helping them to make progress by
bringing structure and clarity
to their thinking.

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In April we successfully launched The Indian School of Executive Coaching in Bangalore.

We started with a public one day workshop “Building Champions in Organizations” for the India Semiconductor Association, which covered the basic coaching skills in an organizational context. This was an open course for members.

The next workshop was an in-house half day coaching-based workshop for L&T Komatsu entitled: “Be a Better Manager”.

The main event, of course, was the two day “Mentor Coach” workshop. This is Level One of the 14-day ISEC Coach Certification Program, and is a dual purpose workshop for both individuals who wish to include coaching in their skill set and those who wish to continue through the program to become professional coaches.

This workshop was supplemented by ten BytesizedLearning™ lessons delivered by email over the next four weeks, together with some specific practical homework and a one to one feedback session with my colleague Krishna Kumar.

The next workshops will be held in Bangalore at the end of July. We invite aspiring coaches or individuals with some previous training to contact ISEC in Bangalore.

Testimonials

The program is a fantastic tool to leapfrog self, business and relationships manifold in a short duration of time. A true life skill learning.

Extremely useful program for people at leadership and sales positions

It has been excellent. The passion and commitment shown by KK and Richard is just great. The content of the course also has been practical. (Overall) great coaching by great people

It is a must for someone who is willing to improve. A very good foundational experience, good for even those who are not going to take up coaching as a career and good self learning tool.

I enjoyed learning to be a coach and it not only helps other(s) perform better but myself too!
If you are even remotely thinking of going into “coaching”, call these guys!

I am applying the concepts that you taught us at the course in Bangalore and it is really useful.

Coach training in Asia

The coach training program is available throughout Asia and we have formed a strategic alliance with a company in Kuala Lumpur and have already submitted a proposal for an in-house workshop as part of a management development program for a company in Malaysia.

For more information, please contact Brefi Group.

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• The Indian School of Executive Coaching

Andrew Halfacre continues his introduction to the fourth version of his highly successful workbook:
“Seven Ways To Figure Out What You Want”

Continuing our look at the perplexing problem of working out what we really want. Last time, we met Mike Johnson, a typical client stuck in mid career. Like many of his ilk, he realises that he is not really doing what he wants but has no real clue what to do or where to go instead.

Why do so many people get themselves stuck in this position – unsatisfied, with a vague sense of unease but not knowing their own mind clearly enough to do anything about it?

In our next extract from the forthcoming book ‘Seven Ways To Figure Out What You Want’ we begin to look at the reasons behind this state of mind…

“Before we go any further” said Mike, “I want to know something, why is it so hard to figure out what we want? It should be easy, shouldn’t it? So why don’t we know what we really want? And it’s not just me, most of the people I know seem to be stuck in this limbo of doing OK but thinking there might be something else, although they haven’t really any idea what. What’s going on?”

“Whoa there” said John. “It’s no good beating yourself up over it. Remember, I think there are three major reasons why we don’t know what we want” he said, ticking them off on his fingers. “First we lack practice, secondly I think we’ve trained ourselves to focus in the wrong direction. And the third reason is a combination of fear and overwhelm.”

“I remember,” said Mike “and I’m still curious, what do you mean by lack of practice?”

“OK. Let’s summarise. The first big decision is that we are going to figure this out. Right?” Mike nodded. “And we know that this will be a whole lot easier IF we act like drivers, act as if we created all the results in our lives.” Mike nodded again. “But if that’s all it would take, then we wouldn’t be having this conversation, so there are still some things stopping us. Let’s go through them one by one.”

Reason 1: We lack practice

“Why don’t we know what we want? Sometimes it’s simple. We just lack the practice, we have weak decision making muscles. If you’re an averagely nice person who never rubs anyone the wrong way and generally gets along with colleagues and friends, then a lot of the time you’ve probably learned to go with the flow. Sometime in your past you’ve decided that it’s easier not make a fuss about small things and you probably look askance at people who do.”

“Because of this you are simply not used to deciding what you want, because you very rarely make that kind of decision. Your boss decides when you arrive at work and when you leave, how long your lunch should be and how much holiday you can have (and when). Your spouse organises your social life (and your socks). You fit in, watching the TV that everyone else talks about, doing what others do. Even the way you dress or the kind of car you drive helps you to fit in and feel safe, not too different. Believe me, you lack practice in deciding what you want.”

“It’s no wonder, is it, that when it comes to the bigger issues in life ‘what do I really want?’ that we have no experience to fall back on. We’ve not practised the skill enough to use it when we really need it.”

“Hmm,” said Mike. “I’m not completely buying this although, thinking about it, I do feel like I’m on autopilot sometimes. But isn’t this just politeness? You can’t go around making a fuss about what you want the whole time. Can you?”

The solution?

John looked at him “Well, let’s see. What’s the solution to lack of practice?”

“Practice?” ventured Mike.

“Yep. You have to practice. You have to go right back to the beginning, to the very smallest parts of your life and practise deciding what you want. We’ll talk more about how to practice this when we look at the Seven Ways.”

All Those Broken Agreements

“This lack of practice in making your own decisions gets compounded because you have been let down so many times. Imagine a friend of yours who keeps promising to meet you for lunch but never shows and, worse, keeps coming up with the most lame excuses that you can hardly believe. ‘My back was aching today’, ‘The cat was sick so I couldn’t come’, ‘I got distracted by this TV programme and before I knew it the time had gone’. How would you feel about this person? Annoyed? Let down? That they weren’t really a friend?”

“Guess who you have been letting down? That’s right. Imagine a life littered with broken promises, full of intentions that never went anywhere and ideas that never got further than fantasy. Imagine that lot hanging round your neck. No wonder you feel confused. You’re feeling let down and probably slightly angry. And the solution is just the same as it would be if you make an agreement with someone else and it becomes obvious you are not going to meet it. You have to:

• Call the person up and remake the agreement
• Agree with the person that ‘not now’ is OK
• Agree to end the agreement because you both know it isn’t going to happen”

“What you have to do is rebuild trust with yourself exactly as you would have to do if you had been treating a friend this way. You’ve either got to start keeping your agreements or remake them. Probably the easiest place to start, with your track record, is with the very smallest things in your life.”

Mike nodded “I can see that, I’m not sure I agree with you about lack of practice but I can definitely see that I’ve broken agreements with myself loads of times. Never really thought of looking at it that way though. What’s the second reason?”

Next time, we look at the second reason for not knowing what we want. Seven Ways To Figure Out What You Want (4th Edition) will be published in May 2010. To get a free copy you can buy the 3rd Edition today at just £27 (50% discount) before 30th April 2010 and we’ll send you the full colour PDF of the 4th Edition when it’s published. The 3rd Edition includes a workbook to take you through seven exercises that will help you figure out what you want. It’s supported by an ecourse, slides and supporting videos.

I am very excitied to announce that on Thursday 27 May 2010, the day before the iPad is launched in the UK, the multi-media “The Wealth Garden” will be published.

The Wealth Garden: The New Dynamics of Wealth Creation in a Fast-Changing Global Economy has an innovative online multimedia format with text, audio and video.

It includes contributions from more than thirty entrepreneurs from five continents, who share their true stories of success through the application of Wealth Dynamics, a revolutionary profiling system that helps you identify your ideal path to lasting wealth creation.

My chapter is entitled “Top Performance from Teams at the Top”. It describes some of my experiences coaching directors and the value of a well balanced team with effective processes.

As with many book launches these days, it is accompanied by an abundance of free and special offers from the authors.

Look out for my special email on Thursday.

Guest article by Gladis Benavides

Recently one of my clients said something that provided me with some food for thought. He asked me “when do I know I have achieved diversity and a work environment where everybody feels good about work” I quickly responded “NEVER”. Then he asked for clarification. That was the hard part. Let me tell you what I came up with, after much thought.

We need to understand that Diversity Management is not about managing or supervising widgets, it is about supervising and managing human beings. Each person in your organization has his/her unique culture, which I describe as “cultural tapes”. In addition there are good, bad and ugly folks in every group, every community and every place in the planet. There are also environmental and other factors that contribute to create tension, conflicts and response to differences in the workplace.

So what is a manager or supervisor to do to manage and supervise a multi-cultural workforce and make sure that there is a harassment free and welcoming work environment.

The devil is in the details. Let me give you a recipe of sorts. One that would provide you with the best possible opportunity to achieve compliance and provide employees with clear and consistent work related communication protocols. I can not guaranty that you will never have a complaint or will have issues that you need to address properly.

First: Be Proactive in providing your employees with clear policies and procedures that identify your organization’s expectations regarding appropriate behaviors in the workplace. You should include those expectations regarding any function under the auspices of the organization such as picnics, conferences, holiday celebrations, etc.

Second: Establish the fact that appropriate behaviors including both verbal and non-verbal communications, are not an issue of preference but of performance when functioning in the work place.

Third: Address concerns raised by employees in a timely and thorough manner. Your function is to be neutral, to listen to all parties involved, to evaluate the situation and make a determination based on the facts. It is though important to recognize that sometimes, a situation may have history that is, you may be seeing the end of it rather than it being just an instance. Remember that a violation may occur not only by intent but also by result. An individual may not intent to discriminate or even harass anther but it is the context, the cultural interpretation or impact that a gesture, a comment or a particular word may have on another person.

Fourth: Monitor behavior. Note that I did not say pry or spy. Monitoring is important because you may observe behavior from one or more of your employees that might be a source of complaints or may create a hostile work environment. An early detection of such behavior allows you to counsel individuals in a pro-active way. Rather than may later having to deal with a complaint of harassment or hostile work environment

Fifth: When enforcing your policies and procedures and deciding disciplinary actions be fair and consistent. Recently I learned that retaliation charges filed with the Federal government have gone up almost 35% in the last couple of years. The allegations of differential treatment are generally filed by individuals who believe they have been treated un-fairly; the supervisor has chosen to impose a sanction to him/her that is harder than others without a good reason or other related charges. Fairness and consistency are critical and all decisions must be defensible and based on the facts.

Sixth: Remember that conflict resolution is not about making people happy but bringing something to a conclusion and closure in a fair and consistent manner. These suggestions may not result in you not ever receiving a complaint or having to address issues regarding race, age, gender, sexual orientation, disability or others. But you will be in a very good position to prevent and to respond and resolve those issues that are brought to your attention.

A diverse workforce can be creative, energetic and productive. It can also challenge managers and supervisors to acknowledge that diverse perspectives, cultural backgrounds and experiences, genders and ages, abilities and physical and other personal challenges may translate into contributions to the success and growth of the organization.

Gladis Benavides is founder and president of Benavides Enterprises Inc.
As a multi-cultural, multi-lingual woman who has lived in several different countries
and experienced a variety of cultures, Gladis has a deep understanding of
the challenges and the opportunities related to diverse populations.

For more information visit www.benavidesenterprises.com

I first introduced this video to celebrate our 200^th issue.

Spring in the UK is at least a month behind, but at last we are seeing the daffodils that normally signify St David’s Day (1 March). So I thought it would be appropriate to revisit the Daffodil Principle.

After viewing this inspiring video, someone challenged me “When are you going to start planting daffodils?”

I did not understand the question. After all, everything I do is planting daffodils and has been as long as I can remember.

Perhaps I am kidding myself. And perhaps it is only an attitude of mind.

I often like to quote a conversation between Aldous Huxley and Albert Einstein. One asked the other: “What is the most important question in the world? Reply: “Whether the Universe is friendly.”

For me, the Universe is friendly.

Perhaps the second most important question is whether we plant daffodils in our life, just admire daffodils, or are oblivious to their beauty?

If you are wondering what I am talking about, check it out now. It is a PowerPoint story: The Daffodil Principle and will inspire your day.

Trip to Asia

After months of preparation, I am off to Asia on Friday.

On Monday I am speaking at the Singapore Leadership Development Congress and the following week I am introducing coaching to the India Semiconductor Association and on the Friday I launch the Indian School of Executive Coaching Coach Certification Program.

The first two-day module, “Mentor”, doubles as an introduction to coaching for managers and leads into the 14 day programme for professional executive coaches. Our programmes incorporate international best practice, including the competencies defined by both the International Coach Federation and International Association of Coaches.

If you are in Singapore next week or Bangalore the following week and would like to meet, please contact me.

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• The Indian School of Executive Coaching

Professor Pawan Budhwar of Aston Business School has recently published a book on the changing face of people management in India.

According to Professor Budhwar, India has the largest pool of scientific and technical personnel in the world. However, he says, India needs to tackle problems of inadequacy of skills, lack of concern for customer satisfaction and unsatisfactory levels of productivity.

He concluded that human resource issues have now become important with the firms’ adoption of strategies for expansion, diversification, turnaround and internationalisation. India needs to develop a domestic workforce capable of taking on the challenges thrown up by the new economic environment.

Traditionally, Indians are known to hesitate to delegate, or even accept authority, are fearful of taking an independent decision, are possessive towards their inferiors and frequently submissive to their superiors; the traditional hierarchical social structure of India has always emphasised respect for superiors, who can be elders, teachers, or superiors at work.

According to Professor Budhwar, obedience is facilitated by the supposedly superior authority of the position holder, and not on any rational basis. Authority in Indian organisations, he says, is likely to remain one-sided, with subordinates relying heavily on their superiors for advice and direction.

Executive coaching is a means of changing this by empowering employees so that they do not need to depend so much on their superiors for advice and direction. They are able to take responsibility for making decisions for themselves.

Science fiction author Isaac Asimov said: -

“The only constant is change, continuing change, inevitable change; that is the dominant factor in society today. No sensible decision can be made any longer without taking into account not only the world as it is, but the world as it will be.”

The world of business is moving from one that is stable and simple to one that is dynamic and complex, with more demands being placed on individuals and organisations at any time.

As individuals move up through their management career the rate at which they need to learn accelerates.
Increasingly, the job of a manager is to learn, and to help others to learn.

There is an old saying: “Give a man a fish and feed him for a day; teach a man to fish and feed him for a lifetime.”

However, author Terry Pratchett says: “Give a man fire and he’s warm for a day; set a man on fire and he’s warm for the rest of his life”.

Executive coaching is not only a way to set your staff on fire, it is a transformative process that spreads through organisations, changing the culture as it goes.

It will help you empower your staff to take responsibility and to learn to learn. It will help you become more effective with less stress.

Benefits of coaching

• More time for yourself. Expert coaches find that investing 10 minutes with someone now saves them an hour next week, the week after, every week.
• Improved interpersonal skills. Managers who coach find they have acquired a useful life skill that they can use anywhere.
• Stronger reputation. As you become a better coach people will seek you out and want to work with you.
• Helps you to know yourself. Coaching acts by raising awareness and this can help your own personal development.
• Can be done in small doses. Although we recommend setting time aside for coaching others, you’ll find that even five minutes will yield results.
• Improved self-esteem. People perform better when they feel good about themselves. Being coached well is a very positive experience.

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• The Indian School of Executive Coaching
• The Changing Face of People Management in India Pawan S Budhwar and Jyotsna Bhatnagar

My last year at school coincided with an Olympics and one of the maths masters was chosen to represent England at hockey.

Having at that stage achieved three maths ‘A’ levels, I was asked to stand in for him.

I remember teaching two forms in particular. One was a fifth form for those who were unlikely to progress to A levels and certainly not to university. They tended to be less well behaved.

We got on really well. They tried various tricks on me but I entered into the spirit and they responded positively.

Another form was the top stream of the fourth year. Younger and more intelligent.

At this stage the school was introducing what was called ‘the new maths’ which, if I remember correctly, included such things as ’sets’.

These young boys were not inspired by this. “Why” they asked, “do we need to learn this? Our parents did not.” I was amazed at this reactionary approach by these bright young things. I didn’t expect 14 year olds to justify learning on the basis of what had been good enough for their parents.

These pupils will in many cases now be captains of industry, business leaders or senior public servants at the top of their careers. Such arguments do not hold anymore.

Even things that were done ten years ago can now be out of date and if we are to succeed we need to embrace whole new concepts.

One of these is social media marketing. What a gift to entrepreneurs and sole traders. The Internet has allowed us to behave as international corporations and Brefi Group has succeeded here. But we started ten years ago and have the benefit of a grounding in information technology.

Now, with social media, the cards are even more in favour of individuals. without any need for computing skills.

I am currently involved with start up situations in several fields and have been taken back in time to my school maths teaching experience, where I have once again had to argue for the benefits of a new approach to learning.

All this new technology takes is time. Cost is minimal. If you want to to create a profile, whether it be global or local, just start writing, recording and videoing.

It seems fashionable these days to refer to one’s mentors, when I think people often mean people they have studied under or read about.

One of my ‘mentors’ in the social media field is Daniel Priestley, who this weekend hosts “Expand Your Brand” in London. One way that he is promoting this is by a blog article that he is then pushing through his other social media outlets.

Becoming a Key Person in Your Industry in 4 Easy Steps – Daniel Priestley

In summary: -

1. You need to know your niche and your micro-niche
2. You need a book
3. You need a product
4. You need to ‘Google well’

To find out more, be in London this weekend.

There has been a lot of talk about bullies in the UK recently. Nancy Slessenger, of Vine House Essential is an expert on bullying. I met her some years ago and immediately purchased her excellent book “Understanding Misunderstandings”.

What impressed me about her talk was her explanation of how children develop negotiation skills – and that difficult people are most likely still living in a state of retarded development. Treat them like two year olds and you will be successful.

Here is an extract from her e-book “How to deal with bullies”.

How to recognise a bully

First of all – what is a bully? Here are the behaviours to look for: -

They focus on their own needs
They do not think about the needs of others. When they act they do not think about the cost to others. Usually they are completely unaware of it.

Negative assumptions about others
These people often refer to others in derogative terms, which assume incompetence or deliberate belligerence.

Jumping to conclusions
In many situations they will jump to conclusions without gathering facts and tell others what to do, rather than ask.

Exerting control over others against their will
Phrases like ‘you must’ and ‘I will not tolerate’ are common.

Blaming others for problems and events
They will not take responsibility for their own actions when they have caused problems, but blame others. They often use sarcasm to do this.

Opinions are given as facts
They use statements like ‘this is useless’ and ‘this is rubbish’ instead of an analysis of the situation and investigation of the facts.

They deliver personal insults in front of others
Phrases like: ‘You are an idiot’. Or ‘you are stupid’ Are common. Sarcasm is common here.

The victim tends to think there is nothing he or she can do
This is probably the most serious problem of all. Victims speak in terms of what the person does to them.

You may well have encountered someone who uses some of these behaviours (probably not all!) at some time or other.

The bad news

We all behave like this sometimes. Most of us don’t realise we are doing it. When does it happen? Often when we are feeling frustrated, tired or angry. We stop being able to see other people’s point of view, or even being interested in it. We revert to very childish behaviour.

That’s what bullying is, childish.

Understanding the bully

If you have children I expect you will remember that when they were very young they would just point at something or say ‘biscuit’ and you would get it for them. In other words they were just telling you what they wanted and did it for them. This is bullying, but it is appropriated behaviour for a two year old.

Most two-year-old children learn more effective ways of negotiating, as they grow a bit older. They learn to say please and thank you (some take longer than others). We don’t regard this as a great problem and we tend to deal with it effectively. When we see a slightly older child who should know to say please, we remind them and we don’t give them the biscuit till they do.

The adult behaviour is just the same, it’s just that you don’t realise you are dealing with a small child because you see someone who is middle-aged in front of you.

What has happened to this adult to make them behave this way?

It may be that they are feeling threatened or that they have simply never learned more effective negotiation skills. Either way, by giving in you are encouraging the bullying behaviour.

You already know this. Imagine the scene. You see a child in a supermarket screaming her head off for a Mars Bar. The parent gives her the Mars Bar. You know what the parent should do, don’t you? You know the parent should refuse to buy the Mars Bar. You know that if the child gets the Mars Bar she will learn to scream every time she wants a Mars Bar.

When a person is bullying she is generally not using parts of her brain that would help her to negotiate more effectively. This is often because she is experiencing an emotion that makes it very difficult to behave reasonably. So this gives us our first step in dealing with bullying behaviour. You need to change the emotion the bully is experiencing.

Emotions focus our attention and regulate the flow of information. A person who is bullying someone else is often feeling angry. This emotion focuses their attention in a very narrow way, it also stops any information from ! coming in – it all rushes outwards, towards the victim.

Status

Bullies usually tend to be quite status-oriented. Why is this? It is because, when you are a small child, everyone who is bigger than you are has more power than you do. As you grow older, size becomes less relevant. However, bullies are thinking like children, so big or senior people are seen as more powerful and status remains very important. How they look to senior people will be vital to them.

One simple way of dealing with this is to stand up when they are sitting down. Never let yourself be in a position where they are standing and you are seated. At the very least, you need to stand when he does (this even works over the phone because your voice sounds different when you stand). Another method is to go ‘over their head’ and talk to their boss. (assuming that he is not the boss!!)

In the world of the bully this is legitimate behaviour.

Reasoning is futile

You need to make it clear what the rules are. They may throw tantrums to start with, but in the end they will give in. Usually this happens sooner than you might think.

Bullies often live in a world of their own. They think in a very short-term way so are not able to predict the consequences of their actions. They are not deliberately being awkward, though it may seem like it. You need to help them understand what the consequences of their actions will be.

Key Tips

I want: The bully is totally focused on what they want. You do not even enter their consciousness. It’s not that they are deliberately picking on you – they are not even thinking about you and your needs.

Trying to reason with someone who is angry and is bullying is often as fruitless as explaining to a two-year-old child that chocolate may damage their teeth or make them fat. It won’t make any difference.

Often bullies won’t really know what they need and you will have to help them work it out.

What to do about being bullied – Simple strategies that work

Remember you are dealing with a two-year-old child. I know this sounds ridiculous, but as soon as you realise that’s the behaviour you have, the easier it is to deal with.

• Get their attention
• Repeat back their requests (demands!), using their own vocabulary
• Find out what they really need to achieve
• Ask questions about the needs and situation carefully
• Ask questions to expand their understanding
• Ask questions about the consequences of their actions
• Never use ‘Why?’ questions
• Listen carefully to their answers and summarise them Use their language and intonation.
• Help them to feel safe
• Do not behave defensively

Contact Nancy Slessenger

If you want to get better results, get better employee performance and find out how to deal with performance issues such as bullying, contact Nancy Slessenger at Vinehouse Essential.

Vinehouse Essential publishes some very popular Tips Booklets. These are a brilliant format for dipping into; full of snappy, helpful tips to help you help yourself and others.

Nancy Slessenger provides an array of performance management services and can give you fresh insight and new angles to solving your performance management problems. She’ll answer your questions and give you direct no-holds-barred feedback tips and advice. Call her at (+44) 01483 811418 for a FREE phone consultation.

Andrew Halfacre introduces us to the fourth version of his highly successful workbook:
“Seven Ways To Figure Out What You Want”

As a working coach I’ve long been intrigued by the phenomenon that while nearly all of my clients can tell me what they DON’T want, a much smaller number can tell me what they DO want. And the number who know what they want and are busy taking active steps to make it happen is even smaller.

Why is this? It should be so easy. You imagine what you want and then you go and get it. Experience tells me that it is rarely this straightforward and led directly to me writing “Seven Ways To Figure Out What You Want”. I’ve recently been updating and expanding the text for the upcoming 4th Edition and over the next few weeks I’d like to share some extracts with readers of CorporateCoach. We are going to look more closely at this problem, at some of the causes and end with some tools to help ourselves and our clients know our own minds. We start by meeting Mike Johnson:

Mike Has A Problem (extract from 4^th edition)

Mike Johnson was lost in thought as he made his way into work, the car driving itself past fields and then into the city centre where Mike worked as a senior project manager for one of the local utilities. It felt like he’d been doing this for years and his Blackberry buzzed as the latest emails arrived for his attention. It used to be fun, but competition had struck his industry, the hours were long and he lived in a world of cost control, endless meetings and constant reorganisation. His wife had started to complain that he was no fun anymore and his need to be in touch with work all the time interrupted their family life.

He sighed as he thought about his day. At his last performance review his boss had offered him the chance to work with a coach, something about a new initiative for all senior managers. He saw that he didn’t really have a choice and agreed rapidly, not wanting to appear difficult. There were rumours of more redundancies and Mike knew he had to toe the line, but their first meeting was today and it was a 90 minute distraction he could do without.

Still the coach, John, had sounded OK on the phone – not one of those airy, fairy HR types – someone with a bit of business experience, and he’d asked Mike to think about what he wanted from their ‘coaching sessions’.

And that’s why he was so deep in thought. He didn’t really know. He’d assumed it was another useless initiative from HQ and that all he’d have to do was pay lip service. The question had shocked him a bit. He thought he’d have a bit of fun with it though. ‘Let’s see if this coach knows his stuff when I tell him I don’t know’.

That should shorten the meeting nicely.

“Hi Mike” said John, walking into the office. Relaxed and fit at a little over six feet, his hair was longer than Mike was used to seeing at work. Mike handed him a black coffee.

“So, let’s get started then, what is it that you really want?” Mike was thrown off balance for a moment, he’d expected some small talk first but fine, if that’s the way he wants it. He put both his hands down flat on the desk and looked at John. “I don’t know” he said, sitting back.

John smiled “You don’t know?”

“No, I don’t know”.

“How do you know that you don’t know?”

“Well” said Mike considering the question. “The truth is I’ve never really known.”

“I see” said John “Forgive me but what DO you know about what you don’t know?”

Mike surprised himself. “Look, I’m a senior project manager here, I’m busy, I’m well paid and I’ve had a lot of fun over the years but always with a vague feeling that there is something else. I can see that if I’m not careful I’m going to spend the rest of my life here, although I know if only I could figure out what I really wanted I would go and do it.”

“I used to enjoy solving problems but now I’m beginning to get the same questions and the same problems repeating themselves. Truth is I’m a bit bored and a bit tired. I know people who’ve stuck at a job they don’t like for years. They talk about doing something different but they don’t know what.” He paused. “My kids are growing up and soon they will have to make decisions about work, they are going to ask me and I feel a bit of a fraud helping them because I still don’t know after all these years.”

John stabbed a finger at him “Your problem is, you’re too bright!”

“What do you mean?” Mike shot back, annoyed at the abrupt tone. This wasn’t going the way he’d planned it.

“You’re too bright and you’ve got too many choices” said John. “The truth is that you could do almost anything you wanted and be good at it. The funny thing is, though, that instead of feeling excited by all these choices, you feel paralysed. You just end up with a vague feeling that you could be doing something else but not ever doing it.”

“That’s it exactly” said Mike

“It’s a lot more common than you might think. Would you be interested in some help to figure out what you really want?”

“Yes” said Mike “but what about the stuff from Corporate HR, what’s your brief?”

“I see that they haven’t told you.” He paused. “You’re part of a new initiative designed to help this business plan its ‘managerial succession’. They have identified managers who have a high potential for promotion and given me a free hand to work with them. How do you feel about that?”

Mike groaned. “Truth is, the thought of taking on a bigger job doesn’t thrill me and although the money would be nice, my wife would walk out if I gave any more attention to work. Maybe it’s time I figured out what I actually wanted for a change.”

“Great” said John, “Why don’t we start now?”

In the next extract Mike learns the three major reasons that we don’t know what we want.

Special Offer

The vastly expanded 4^th Edition of Seven Ways To Figure Out What You Want will be published in May 2010. Purchase the 3^rd edition at the current price of £23.00 and you will automatically receive a free copy of the new edition – saving £22.00.

Earlier this year I attended a two day sales course with Blair Singer.

Selling is not my strength and I have signed up for the rest of the course in June.

On the Saturday night we had to buy one of his books and then go out and sell it during our dinner break.

I decided that selling it cold was too big a step for me at that stage so, instead, I would barter it for a meal of the same value.

I walked up the road in Earls Court and called at a pizza restaurant that had attracted me on a previous visit. I explained that I was on a course and had a book to sell. Could I either exchange it for a meal or speak to some of the customers there?

No way. The staff member explained that they were part of a chain and that such things were not allowed. Why did i not go to an independent restaurant and try my luck there.

So, I went next door. Here, i was treated differently. The staff member greeting customers treated me seriously and immediately referred me to her manager. He took little interest in the book but said that he would take the book and provide me with a meal.

I learned three things: -

1. When doing business, choose people who are already entrepreneurial
2. Sell below the line – there was no audit trail of my sale and the cost of my food would not have shown in the accounts, and my book purchase did not need a budget heading
3. When waiting for and eating my (pleasant) meal, I felt disempowered as I had no control over what I would receive.

When I returned to the course, relieved and pleased, I found that not everybody had succeeded in the task but that some people had sold their books for significantly more than the cover price. They had sold the contents for the book as a training course, which was certainly worth more than the £15 they had paid for it.

Finally, one person sold to a fish and chip shop owner who had already been propositioned by several others. He bought because this person appeared to be more interested in him as a person than in the sale.

Richard Winfield is founder of Brefi Group.
An international facilitator, he coaches and
facilitates directors and boards in transition:
helping them to make progress by
bringing structure and clarity
to their thinking.

USEFUL LINKS

• Subscribe to the CorporateCoach RSS feed
• Blair Singer’s Sales Dogs
• Rich Dad’s Advisors: Salesdogs UK
• Rich Dad’s Advisors: SalesDogs USA

While contemplating the 15 days of Chinese New Year celebrations for this new year of the Golden Tiger, it’s perhaps a good time to check in on your January 1st New Year’s resolutions.

My guess: in the first seven weeks of 2010, you’ve already abandoned some or all of these. Why?

1: inadequate checking in on Your Goals

2: insufficient leverage or accountability

3: lack of discipline to walk your talk

I’m assuming that Your Goals would have contributed positively to your life and perhaps the lives of others, so revisit them.

First: resolve to check in more frequently on Your Goals. Plan, execute, review, repeat.

Second: work with a group, an Executive Coach or someone who can hold you more accountable.

Third: increase your discipline to increase your results. Identify causes of failures, decide to shift your thinking and behaviour, and then act to achieve a clearly-defined purpose.

If you didn’t make any resolutions or you’d like to add some, here are five tips to make this Tiger year a grrreat one for growth.

GrowthTip 1: Talking Tiger Hidden Learning

If you’re always the expert, you’re not listening and you might not be learning. Go and listen to a variety of specialists that can give you new insights and help you further grow and develop. Yes that means going to events, network, listen, apply. (Yes, I have just the event for you: the Singapore Leadership Development Congress).

GrowthTip 2: Tiger Learns From an Ambush

The collective for tigers is: an ambush of tigers. Bring your tigers together and bring in a specialist speaker. Then evaluate your common Team Goal, your Execution Timing, your location strengths and your willingness to Act On Opportunity. Procrastination almost always costs money. Example: booking an air ticket; if you leave it to the last minute, it’ll cost you a fortune.

GrowthTip 3: Tiger Collaborates for Big Wins

Make this a year for effective collaboration. That means working together for mutual benefit and ROI. You with your strength, me with mine. If you want to fly somewhere, you collaborate with flying specialists as well as others who share a similar need and can share the cost. Similarly if you want to increase productivity and results, then you bring in productivity and results specialists (yes that is what I help businesses improve: increase profitable productivity).

GrowthTip 4: Tiger is Watchful and Restful

Tigers keenly observe what is going on. And they are well rested to ensure performance. Sleep well this year. Sleeping 8 hours a night increases productivity by 25%. If you sleep 6 hours a night, you might have 2 extra hours awake (or 8.33% of a day), but if your productivity is 25% less then that’s a bad return on investment. Sleep on it. You can’t be an Effective Leader if you’re not healthy.

GrowthTip 5: Tiger seeks Courage through Faith

Tigers stand for courage and action. Be swift with your action this year. Make decisions often. Be courageous. Have faith in your purpose and your ability to succeed. When I take people through the 9 Characters to Victory in my V9 profile, it’s amazing to watch people finally identify why they haven’t been more Victorious. Often it comes down to their relationships with themselves, each other and, importantly, with their purpose. Have faith in your purpose.

Have a fantastic year of the Golden Tiger. Seek Victory, Listen, Learn, Collaborate, Rest, and Be Courageous.

Tim Wade, Speaker Station Asia, Singapore

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness
That most frightens us.

We ask ourselves
Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.

Your playing small
Does not serve the world.
There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking
So that other people won’t feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine,
As children do.
We were born to make manifest
The glory of God that is within us.

It’s not just in some of us;
It’s in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,
We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we’re liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.

There is a prestigious two day event on the 20 & 21 March that I know you will love. It’s called “Expand Your Brand” and will host 12 expert speakers including:

* Mike Harris – Founder of Egg, which floated for £1.3B just 3 years after launch.
* Kanya King MBE – Founder of the MOBO Awards, seen in 57 countries by 250M people.
* Sabirul Islam – A best selling author and international speaker at just 18 years old.
* Peter Thomson – The creator of over 150 products.
* Dan Wagner – On the Times Rich List, founder of Venda, pioneering internet entrepreneur.
* Justin Champney – Top brand builder and founder of Buildabrand.com
* Mindy Gibbins-Klien – Has helped over 300 people write, publish and promote their books.
* Deirdre Bounds – Founder of i-to-i Travel, which she grew from nothing to over £20M in 10 years

This event is all about building more influence, more recognition and more results from your business and personal brand. When you consider that getting your brand right is a key part of building a successful and valuable business … you must be at this event!

Since Brefi Group has a good relationship with the promoters at Triumphant Events, we can offer some half price tickets for just £59 (this offer is only for the first 50 people who register and is only available for the next two days). Please book today to avoid missing out on this special offer.

Here are three stories you might find useful. There are more in the links at the end.

Tethered elephants

I was doing a hike through the jungle as a tourist, when I saw these large elephants tethered to a small stake. I asked their trainer ‘How can you keep such a large elephant tied to such a small stake?’ He said ‘When the elephants are small, they try to pull out the stake and they fail. When they grow large, they never try to pull out the stake again.’

The cow in the ditch

When everything gets really complicated and you feel overwhelmed, think about it this way: You gotta do three things. First, get the cow out of the ditch. Second, find out how the cow got into the ditch. Third, make sure you do whatever it takes so the cow doesn’t go into the ditch again.

Stuck in a hole

A man was walking along a sidewalk when he fell into an unprotected hole. He could not get out.

A doctor came along and he cried out for help. The doctor wrote him a prescription, threw it into the hole and continued walking.

Then a priest came along and he cried out again. This time, the priest wrote down a prayer, threw it into the hole and continued walking.

Finally, a friend came along. His response was to jump down into the hole to comfort the man.

The man said ‘What was the point of that? Now we are both stuck down the hole.’

‘Ah’ replied his friend ‘but I have been here before, and I know how to get out.’

USEFUL LINKS

• Subscribe to the CorporateCoach RSS feed
• Stories
• More stories in our free resources section

A couple of summers ago I broke my wrist on a cattle drive in Montana.

On my return to Birmingham I was referred to hospital to have the break re-set and a titanium splint inserted. My big worry was that I would be detected every time that I went through airport security on my international travels. Fortunately, that has not occurred.

What I really appreciated about my treatment was the way my surgeon, Simon Tan, related to me. I consider myself a professional, and obviously a surgeon is a professional, too.

However, in this context I was a patient and normally that is how I would feel I was being treated. In this case, though, I felt honoured as a fellow professional. The attitude that Mr Tan took towards me, the respect and the trouble he took over explaining all the details of the break and the treatment, all took place on a one-to one adult basis.

I hope, and believe, that this special health service worker actually treated everybody exactly the same.

Recently I was flying from Phuket to Bangkok. A Thai lady was sitting next to me with her young son. She asked me whether I had been on holiday and explained that she lived in Hong Kong and was returning home. There was something very special about how this stranger addressed me. Once again it was as if we were equals – worthy adults who might have known each other for years.

Not only did this conversation honour me, but it indicated great self confidence and self esteem on the part of the lady.

I was very struck by this short interaction. A couple of adults treated me like this when I was a teenager. The difference is subtle but significant.

I have been pondering since what is the difference between these interactions and normal conversations between adults. How can I honour and respect people when I meet them in the way the Mr Tan and the lady from Thailand did to me?

Dr John Demartini has recently produced a video on relationships and the art of communication.

Coach training in India

This week we have been working on the brochure for the ISEC coach training programmes that we are launching in Bangalore. Eventually they will cover the whole spectrum of training from Line Manager as Coach to full preparation for IAC and ICF accreditation.

I shall continue to keep you up to date with developments.

In the meantime, my partner, Krishna Kumar, has contributed an article on lessons from the world of sports. See below.

Last chance to see Harv in the UK

This weekend I am off to London for a very intensive three days with Harv Eker. This is the last chance to experience him at the Millionnaire Mind Intensive (”The Secret Psychology of Wealth”) in the UK. Whether you want to learn, or to model a master presenter, you should be there.

Richard Winfield is founder of Brefi Group.
An international facilitator, he coaches and
facilitates directors and boards in transition:
helping them to make progress by
bringing structure and clarity
to their thinking.

USEFUL LINKS

• Subscribe to the CorporateCoach RSS feed
• Singapore Leadership Development Congress
• Millionaire Mind Intensive
• Indian School of Executive Coaching
• Dr Demartini on relationships

Rigger Game Pack – a team construction game

We have had lots of interest in Andrew Halfacre’s latest management game. If you wish to benefit from the half price introductory offer, then find out more about it now.

This game can be used to help teams understand skills, behaviours and techniques that work in a high pressure situation. It aids communication and learning about managing practical problems. It is particularly useful for drawing out the differences between managing a project and managing routine work.

Rigger can be played at several levels of complexity and the game pack suggests many variations you could use. [MORE]

You will be able to download the game pack as soon as payment has been accepted.

Half price until 28 February!

Buy now at the introductory offer price of £25.00

Jamie Oliver is one of my heroes.

He is one of the great personalities in the world of personal development. He might be known as a chef, but, for me, his real contribution is what he does for young people, giving them life and hope. When I have watched him on his programmes about his restaurant for unemployed young people, Fifteen, and others about teaching people, I have been moved to tears of joy.

He is a a leader who cares to the bottom of his heart. And he is a civic leader who takes action to change the world. A role model for us all.

I was delighted to learn that he has received an award from TED. However, in this case I wept in sadness. I have watched three feature films about food in the USA and I forecast that within ten years there will be major class actions against the food industry just like there have been against the tobacco industry.

Once again, it is Jamie who sets the lead.

I challenge you to watch this lecture and think deeply about it. We are all responsible for providing food, whether it be in our personal lives, our workplaces or in how we feed children at school.

Jamie Oliver’s TED award speech.

IF you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream – and not make dreams your master;
If you can think – and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ‘em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
‘ Or walk with Kings – nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And – which is more – you’ll be a Man, my son!