The United Kingdom has a long standing system of delivering milk in bottles to the door. At the beginning of the 20th century these milk bottles had no top. Birds had easy access to the cream which settled in the top of the bottle. Two different species of British garden birds, the blue tits and red robins, learned to siphon up cream from the bottles and tap this new, rich food source.

This innovation, in itself, was already quite an achievement. But it also had an evolutionary effect. The cream was much richer than the usual food sources of these birds, and the two species underwent some adaptation of their digestive systems to cope with the unusual nutrients. This internal adaptation almost certainly took place through Darwinian selection.

Then, between the two world wars, the UK dairy distributors closed access to the food source by placing aluminium seals on their bottles.

By the early 1950’s the entire blue tit population of the UK, about a million birds, had learned how to pierce the aluminium seals. Regaining access to this rich food source provided an important victory for the blue tit family as a whole; it gave them an advantage in the battle for survival. Conversely, the robins, as a family, never regained access to the cream. Occasionally, an individual robin learns how to pierce the seals of the milk bottle. But the knowledge never passes to the rest of the species.

In short, the blue tits went through an extraordinarily successful institutional learning process. The robins failed, even though individual robins had been as innovative as individual blue tits. Moreover, the difference could not be attributed to their ability to communicate. As songbirds, both the blue tits and the robins had the same wide range of means of communication: colour, behaviour, movements, and song. The explanation could be found only in the social propagation process: the way blue tits spread their skill from one individual to members of the species as a whole.

In spring, the blue tits live in couples until they have reared their young. By early summer, when the young blue tits are flying and feeding on their own, we see birds moving from garden to garden in flocks of eight to ten individuals. These flocks seem to remain intact, moving together around the countryside, and the period of mobility lasts for two to three months.

Robins, by contrast, are territorial birds. A male robin will not allow another male to enter its territory. When threatened, the robin sends a warning, as
if to say "Keep the hell out of here." In general, red robins tend to communicate with each other in an antagonistic manner, with fixed boundaries that they do not cross.

Birds that flock, seem to learn faster. They increase their chances to survive and evolve more quickly.

Arie de Geus, The Living Company, Nicholas Brealey

USEFUL LINKS:

• The Living Company: Growth Learning and Longevity in Business, Arie de Geus (Amazon.co.uk)
• The Living Company (Amazon.com)
• More free resources

One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs. His bed was next to the room’s only window.

The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back.

The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation..

Every afternoon, when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.

The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and colour of the world outside.

The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every colour and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.

As the man by the window described all this in exquisite details, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine this picturesque scene.

One warm afternoon, the man by the window described a parade passing by.

Although the other man could not hear the band, he could see it in his mind’s eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.

Days, weeks and months passed.

One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.

As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.

Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside. He strained to slowly turn to look out the window besides the bed.

It faced a blank wall.

The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate, who had described such wonderful things outside this window.

The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall. She said, ‘Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you.’

Epilogue:
There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations. Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled. If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you have that money can’t buy.

‘Today is a gift, that is why it is called The Present.’

Thanks to Mel Eves for passing this on.

Back to CorporateCoach

I recently received an email with the following story about Anita M.

Whether or not you believe in the significance of near death experiences, read this story and think how you can use it in your coaching.

Ask yourself, and then your clients, “If you were being told that you are to be on the earth for a purpose, what would it be?”

Many people make significant changes after a major shock – illness, accident or near death – that forces them to confront their life.

As coaches, we can help people do this without having to experience the real thing.

Now read on.

I had cancer (Hodgkin’s Lymphoma), and on this fateful morning, I could not move. My husband rushed me to hospital. After doing scans, they diagnosed me with grade 4B lymphoma (the highest grade). The senior oncologist looked at my report and told my husband that it was too late, that my organs were now shutting down. I only had 36 hours to live. The oncologist said he would do whatever he could, but prepared my husband that I would most likely not make it, as my organs were no longer functioning. They started me on a chemotherapy drip as well as oxygen.Then they started to take tests to determine what drugs to use.

I was drifting in and out of consciousness during this time. I could feel my spirit actually leaving my body. I saw and heard the conversations between my husband and the doctors taking place outside my room, about 40 feet away down a hallway. I was later able to verify this conversation with my shocked husband.

Then I actually “crossed over” to another dimension. I was engulfed in a total feeling of love. I also experienced extreme clarity of why I had the cancer, why I had come into this life in the first place, what role everyone in my family played in my life in the grand scheme of things, and how life works in general.

The clarity and understanding I obtained in this state is almost indescribable. Words cannot describe the experience. I was at a place where I understood how much more there is than what we are able to conceive in our three-dimensional world. I realized what a gift life is, and that I was surrounded by loving spiritual beings, who were always around me even when I did not know it. The amount of love I felt was overwhelming. From this perspective, I knew how powerful I am and saw the amazing possibilities we as humans are capable of achieving during a physical life. I found out that if I survived, my purpose now would be to live “heaven on earth” using this new understanding, and also to share this knowledge with other people. However I had the choice of whether to come back into life, or go towards death. I was made to understand that it was not my time, but I always had the choice. And if I chose death, I would not be experiencing a lot of the gifts that the rest of my life still held in store. One of the things I wanted to know was that if I chose life, would I have to come back to this sick body, because my body was very, very sick and the organs had stopped functioning. I was then made to understand that if I chose life, my body would heal very quickly. I would see a difference in not months or weeks, but days!

I was shown how illnesses start on an energetic level before they become physical. If I chose to go into life, the cancer would be gone from my energy, and my physical body would catch up very quickly. I then understood that when people have medical treatments for illnesses, it rids the illness only from their body but not from their energy, so the illness often returns.

I realized if I went back, I would return with a very healthy energy. My physical body would catch up to the energetic conditions very quickly and permanently. I was given the understanding that this applies to anything, not only illnesses, but physical conditions, psychological conditions, etc. I was “shown” that everything going on in our lives is dependent on this energy around us, created by us. Nothing is solid. We create our surroundings, our conditions, etc. depending on where this “energy” is at. The clarity I received around how we get what we do was phenomenal! It’s all about where we are energetically. I was made to feel that I was going to see “proof” of this first hand if I returned back to my body. I was drifting in and out between the two worlds. Every time I drifted into the “other side”, I was shown more and more scenes. There was one which showed how my life had touched all the people I had come in contact with. It was sort of like a tapestry and showed how I affected everyone’s lives around me. There was another which showed my brother on a plane, having heard the news I was dying, coming to see me (this was later verified to me, as when I started to come round, my brother was there having just got off a plane).

I then saw a glimpse of my brother and me and somehow seemed to understand it was a previous life, where I was much older than him and was like a mother to him (in this life, he is older than me). I saw in that life I was very protective towards him. I suddenly became aware he was on the plane to come and see me, and felt “I can’t do this to him. I can’t let him come and see me dead”. Then I also saw how my husband’s purpose was linked to mine, and how we had decided to come and experience this life together. If I went, he would probably follow soon after. I was made to understand – as tests had been taken for my organ functions and the results were not out yet – that if I chose life, the results would show that my organs were functioning normally. If I chose death, the results would show organ failure as the cause of death, due to cancer. I was able to change the outcome of the tests by my choice!

I made my choice to live. As I started to wake up (in a very confused state, as I could not at that time tell which side of the veil I was on), the doctors came rushing into the room with big smiles on their faces saying to my family, “Good news! we got the results and her organs are functioning. We can’t believe it!! Her body really did seem like it had shut down!” After that, I began to recover rapidly. The doctors waited for me to become stable enough to do a lymph node biopsy to track the type of cancer cells. Once completed, they could not find a single lymph node big enough to suggest cancer. Yet upon entering the hospital my body had been filled with swollen lymph nodes. They then did a bone marrow biopsy to assess the cancer activity so that they could adjust the chemotherapy according to the disease. Yet there wasn’t any cancer in the bone marrow. The doctors were very confused, but told me it must have been a rapid response to the chemo. Because they themselves were unable to understand what was going on, they made me undergo test after test, all of which I passed with flying colors. Clearing every test empowered me even more! I had a full body scan, and because they couldn’t believe they didn’t find anything, they made the radiologist repeat it again!!!!

Because of my experience, I am now sharing with everyone I know that miracles are possible in our lives every day. After what I have seen, I realize that absolutely anything is possible, and that we did not come here to suffer. Life is supposed to be great, and we are very, very loved. The way I look at life has changed dramatically. I am so glad to have been given a second chance to experience “heaven on earth”.

Note: Anita’s amazing near-death story has been read and appreciated by many thousands from around the globe. To read more on her most fascinating experience and how it completely transformed her life, click here.

What lessons can you find within this story?

Do you think that it is a truth, a hallucination or a metaphor? Does it matter?

Back to CorporateCoach

One day a father and his rich family took his son on a trip to the country with the firm purpose to show him how poor people can be.

They spent a day and a night on the farm of a very poor family. When they got back from their trip, the father asked his son,

“How was the trip?” “Very good Dad!” ”

Did you see how poor people can be?” the father asked. “Yeah!” “And what did you learn?”

The son answered,

“I saw that we have a dog at home, and they have four.

We have a pool that reaches to the middle of the garden; they have a creek that has no end.

We have imported lamps in the garden; they have the stars.

Our patio reaches to the front yard; they have a whole horizon.”

When the little boy was finished, his father was speechless.

His son added, “Thanks, Dad, for showing me how ‘poor’ we are!”

Isn’t it true that it all depends on the way you look at things?

If you have love, friends, family, health, good humor and a positive attitude towards life — you’ve got everything!

You can’t buy any of these things.

You may have all the material possessions you can imagine, provisions for the future, etc.; but if you are poor of spirit, you have nothing!

What can we learn from this story?

Please feel free to share or comment below, as I believe each one of you can learn from one another how we look at things in our life.

Thank you : )

Ngee Key is the founder and owner of Springboard Talent.
He is a Certified Career Management Coach, Facilitator, Trainer and Speaker
focused on empowering people to find their own answers, encouraging and
supporting them on the path as they continue to make important choices.

Continuing our look at the perplexing problem of working out what we really want. Last time, we met Mike Johnson, a typical client stuck in mid career. Like many of his ilk, he realises that he is not really doing what he wants but has no real clue what to do or where to go instead.

Why do so many people get themselves stuck in this position – unsatisfied, with a vague sense of unease but not knowing their own mind clearly enough to do anything about it?

In our next extract from the forthcoming book ‘Seven Ways To Figure Out What You Want’ we begin to look at the reasons behind this state of mind…

“Before we go any further” said Mike, “I want to know something, why is it so hard to figure out what we want? It should be easy, shouldn’t it? So why don’t we know what we really want? And it’s not just me, most of the people I know seem to be stuck in this limbo of doing OK but thinking there might be something else, although they haven’t really any idea what. What’s going on?”

“Whoa there” said John. “It’s no good beating yourself up over it. Remember, I think there are three major reasons why we don’t know what we want” he said, ticking them off on his fingers. “First we lack practice, secondly I think we’ve trained ourselves to focus in the wrong direction. And the third reason is a combination of fear and overwhelm.”

“I remember,” said Mike “and I’m still curious, what do you mean by lack of practice?”

“OK. Let’s summarise. The first big decision is that we are going to figure this out. Right?” Mike nodded. “And we know that this will be a whole lot easier IF we act like drivers, act as if we created all the results in our lives.” Mike nodded again. “But if that’s all it would take, then we wouldn’t be having this conversation, so there are still some things stopping us. Let’s go through them one by one.”

Reason 1: We lack practice

“Why don’t we know what we want? Sometimes it’s simple. We just lack the practice, we have weak decision making muscles. If you’re an averagely nice person who never rubs anyone the wrong way and generally gets along with colleagues and friends, then a lot of the time you’ve probably learned to go with the flow. Sometime in your past you’ve decided that it’s easier not make a fuss about small things and you probably look askance at people who do.”

“Because of this you are simply not used to deciding what you want, because you very rarely make that kind of decision. Your boss decides when you arrive at work and when you leave, how long your lunch should be and how much holiday you can have (and when). Your spouse organises your social life (and your socks). You fit in, watching the TV that everyone else talks about, doing what others do. Even the way you dress or the kind of car you drive helps you to fit in and feel safe, not too different. Believe me, you lack practice in deciding what you want.”

“It’s no wonder, is it, that when it comes to the bigger issues in life ‘what do I really want?’ that we have no experience to fall back on. We’ve not practised the skill enough to use it when we really need it.”

“Hmm,” said Mike. “I’m not completely buying this although, thinking about it, I do feel like I’m on autopilot sometimes. But isn’t this just politeness? You can’t go around making a fuss about what you want the whole time. Can you?”

The solution?

John looked at him “Well, let’s see. What’s the solution to lack of practice?”

“Practice?” ventured Mike.

“Yep. You have to practice. You have to go right back to the beginning, to the very smallest parts of your life and practise deciding what you want. We’ll talk more about how to practice this when we look at the Seven Ways.”

All Those Broken Agreements

“This lack of practice in making your own decisions gets compounded because you have been let down so many times. Imagine a friend of yours who keeps promising to meet you for lunch but never shows and, worse, keeps coming up with the most lame excuses that you can hardly believe. ‘My back was aching today’, ‘The cat was sick so I couldn’t come’, ‘I got distracted by this TV programme and before I knew it the time had gone’. How would you feel about this person? Annoyed? Let down? That they weren’t really a friend?”

“Guess who you have been letting down? That’s right. Imagine a life littered with broken promises, full of intentions that never went anywhere and ideas that never got further than fantasy. Imagine that lot hanging round your neck. No wonder you feel confused. You’re feeling let down and probably slightly angry. And the solution is just the same as it would be if you make an agreement with someone else and it becomes obvious you are not going to meet it. You have to:

• Call the person up and remake the agreement
• Agree with the person that ‘not now’ is OK
• Agree to end the agreement because you both know it isn’t going to happen”

“What you have to do is rebuild trust with yourself exactly as you would have to do if you had been treating a friend this way. You’ve either got to start keeping your agreements or remake them. Probably the easiest place to start, with your track record, is with the very smallest things in your life.”

Mike nodded “I can see that, I’m not sure I agree with you about lack of practice but I can definitely see that I’ve broken agreements with myself loads of times. Never really thought of looking at it that way though. What’s the second reason?”

Next time, we look at the second reason for not knowing what we want. Seven Ways To Figure Out What You Want (4th Edition) will be published in May 2010. To get a free copy you can buy the 3rd Edition today at just £27 (50% discount) before 30th April 2010 and we’ll send you the full colour PDF of the 4th Edition when it’s published. The 3rd Edition includes a workbook to take you through seven exercises that will help you figure out what you want. It’s supported by an ecourse, slides and supporting videos.

As a working coach I’ve long been intrigued by the phenomenon that while nearly all of my clients can tell me what they DON’T want, a much smaller number can tell me what they DO want. And the number who know what they want and are busy taking active steps to make it happen is even smaller.

Why is this? It should be so easy. You imagine what you want and then you go and get it. Experience tells me that it is rarely this straightforward and led directly to me writing “Seven Ways To Figure Out What You Want”. I’ve recently been updating and expanding the text for the upcoming 4th Edition and over the next few weeks I’d like to share some extracts with readers of CorporateCoach. We are going to look more closely at this problem, at some of the causes and end with some tools to help ourselves and our clients know our own minds. We start by meeting Mike Johnson:

Mike Has A Problem (extract from 4^th edition)

Mike Johnson was lost in thought as he made his way into work, the car driving itself past fields and then into the city centre where Mike worked as a senior project manager for one of the local utilities. It felt like he’d been doing this for years and his Blackberry buzzed as the latest emails arrived for his attention. It used to be fun, but competition had struck his industry, the hours were long and he lived in a world of cost control, endless meetings and constant reorganisation. His wife had started to complain that he was no fun anymore and his need to be in touch with work all the time interrupted their family life.

He sighed as he thought about his day. At his last performance review his boss had offered him the chance to work with a coach, something about a new initiative for all senior managers. He saw that he didn’t really have a choice and agreed rapidly, not wanting to appear difficult. There were rumours of more redundancies and Mike knew he had to toe the line, but their first meeting was today and it was a 90 minute distraction he could do without.

Still the coach, John, had sounded OK on the phone – not one of those airy, fairy HR types – someone with a bit of business experience, and he’d asked Mike to think about what he wanted from their ‘coaching sessions’.

And that’s why he was so deep in thought. He didn’t really know. He’d assumed it was another useless initiative from HQ and that all he’d have to do was pay lip service. The question had shocked him a bit. He thought he’d have a bit of fun with it though. ‘Let’s see if this coach knows his stuff when I tell him I don’t know’.

That should shorten the meeting nicely.

“Hi Mike” said John, walking into the office. Relaxed and fit at a little over six feet, his hair was longer than Mike was used to seeing at work. Mike handed him a black coffee.

“So, let’s get started then, what is it that you really want?” Mike was thrown off balance for a moment, he’d expected some small talk first but fine, if that’s the way he wants it. He put both his hands down flat on the desk and looked at John. “I don’t know” he said, sitting back.

John smiled “You don’t know?”

“No, I don’t know”.

“How do you know that you don’t know?”

“Well” said Mike considering the question. “The truth is I’ve never really known.”

“I see” said John “Forgive me but what DO you know about what you don’t know?”

Mike surprised himself. “Look, I’m a senior project manager here, I’m busy, I’m well paid and I’ve had a lot of fun over the years but always with a vague feeling that there is something else. I can see that if I’m not careful I’m going to spend the rest of my life here, although I know if only I could figure out what I really wanted I would go and do it.”

“I used to enjoy solving problems but now I’m beginning to get the same questions and the same problems repeating themselves. Truth is I’m a bit bored and a bit tired. I know people who’ve stuck at a job they don’t like for years. They talk about doing something different but they don’t know what.” He paused. “My kids are growing up and soon they will have to make decisions about work, they are going to ask me and I feel a bit of a fraud helping them because I still don’t know after all these years.”

John stabbed a finger at him “Your problem is, you’re too bright!”

“What do you mean?” Mike shot back, annoyed at the abrupt tone. This wasn’t going the way he’d planned it.

“You’re too bright and you’ve got too many choices” said John. “The truth is that you could do almost anything you wanted and be good at it. The funny thing is, though, that instead of feeling excited by all these choices, you feel paralysed. You just end up with a vague feeling that you could be doing something else but not ever doing it.”

“That’s it exactly” said Mike

“It’s a lot more common than you might think. Would you be interested in some help to figure out what you really want?”

“Yes” said Mike “but what about the stuff from Corporate HR, what’s your brief?”

“I see that they haven’t told you.” He paused. “You’re part of a new initiative designed to help this business plan its ‘managerial succession’. They have identified managers who have a high potential for promotion and given me a free hand to work with them. How do you feel about that?”

Mike groaned. “Truth is, the thought of taking on a bigger job doesn’t thrill me and although the money would be nice, my wife would walk out if I gave any more attention to work. Maybe it’s time I figured out what I actually wanted for a change.”

“Great” said John, “Why don’t we start now?”

In the next extract Mike learns the three major reasons that we don’t know what we want.

Special Offer

The vastly expanded 4^th Edition of Seven Ways To Figure Out What You Want will be published in May 2010. Purchase the 3^rd edition at the current price of £23.00 and you will automatically receive a free copy of the new edition – saving £22.00.

We ask ourselves
Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.

Your playing small
Does not serve the world.
There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking
So that other people won’t feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine,
As children do.
We were born to make manifest
The glory of God that is within us.

It’s not just in some of us;
It’s in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,
We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we’re liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.

Tethered elephants

I was doing a hike through the jungle as a tourist, when I saw these large elephants tethered to a small stake. I asked their trainer ‘How can you keep such a large elephant tied to such a small stake?’ He said ‘When the elephants are small, they try to pull out the stake and they fail. When they grow large, they never try to pull out the stake again.’

The cow in the ditch

When everything gets really complicated and you feel overwhelmed, think about it this way: You gotta do three things. First, get the cow out of the ditch. Second, find out how the cow got into the ditch. Third, make sure you do whatever it takes so the cow doesn’t go into the ditch again.

Stuck in a hole

A man was walking along a sidewalk when he fell into an unprotected hole. He could not get out.

A doctor came along and he cried out for help. The doctor wrote him a prescription, threw it into the hole and continued walking.

Then a priest came along and he cried out again. This time, the priest wrote down a prayer, threw it into the hole and continued walking.

Finally, a friend came along. His response was to jump down into the hole to comfort the man.

The man said ‘What was the point of that? Now we are both stuck down the hole.’

‘Ah’ replied his friend ‘but I have been here before, and I know how to get out.’

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IF you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream – and not make dreams your master;
If you can think – and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ‘em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
‘ Or walk with Kings – nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And – which is more – you’ll be a Man, my son!

Thought, I love thought.
But not the juggling and twisting of already existent ideas.
I despise that self-important game.
Thought is the welling up of unknown life into consciousness,
Thought is the testing of statements on the touchstone of consciousness,
Thought is gazing onto the face of life, and reading what can be read,
Thought is pondering over experience, and coming to conclusion.
Thought is not a trick, or an exercise, or a set of dodges,
Thought is a man in his wholeness, wholly attending.

D.H. Lawrence