Coaching is the art of facilitating the performance of another.

One to one performance coaching is the way for both organisations and individuals to significantly impact the bottom line.

Coaching raises awareness, which in and of itself is transformative

Executive coaching is a powerful means of improving the performance of individuals and teams in organisations.

Coaching can be provided externally or internally – or line managers can be trained to use coaching as a management style.

Invisible Coaching™ is coaching in the moment, with just the right word at just the right time to help someone change.

Lao Tsu on leadership: “A leader is best when people barely know he exists, when his work is done, his aim fulfilled, they will say: we did it ourselves.”

The difference between training and coaching: -

When you have been on a training course you know what you have been taught. When you have been coached you often wonder what the problem was.

Reasons for coaching

• Developing an individual’s potential
• Developing new skills due to a change in role

li>Developing a more strategic perspective

• Poor, interpersonal skills
• Lack of confidence, low self esteem
• Poor negotiation skills, dealing with conflict
• Poor skills at developing others
• Poor environment, unsupportive personal network

Benefits to individuals

• Increased self-awareness
• Better goal-setting
• Enhanced communications skills
• Enhanced self-discovery
• Increased confidence
• More balanced life
• Lower stress levels
• Improved quality of life

Benefits to organisations

• Support employees who have been promoted
• Help employees to sort out personal issues
• Gain a satisfactory process for self-development
• Support other training and development initiatives
• Improve productivity, quality, customer service and shareholder value
• Gain increased employee commitment and satisfaction, which can lead to improved retention
• Demonstrate to employees that an organisation is committed to developing its staff and helping them improve their skills

Coaching delivery

• Face to face – in a formal coaching session
• Face to face – group and team facilitation
• Work shadowing
• Telephone coaching
• Video conferencing (Skype)
• E-mail and instant message coaching
• Tele-classes, E-classes
• In the moment – “Invisible coaching”

USEFUL LINKS:

• Invisible Coaching™
• Lots more information about coaching from Brefi Group

There are three basic positions from which we perceive reality and we unconsciously move between these positions from time to time.

Let us consider these three basic positions to start with.

First position: This is the position that you already take, in which you are associated with your own body. It involves experiencing a situation for yourself, with your own eyes, your own ears and your own feelings.

Second position: This involves experiencing a situation as another party – associated with their body, not analysing what it would be like, but actually experiencing it. You look out through their eyes, hear the sounds that they hear and feel some of the sensations they feel.

Third position: In this third position, you are disassociated. This involves taking an intellectual position without any emotion. Standing back from the situation – cool, calm and collected. You might think of it as ‘a fly on the wall’. You can see but you cannot hear or feel.

We probably favour one position above the others. Too much consciousness of first position and we can become selfish, and even arrogant. Two much consciousness of second position and we can lack assertiveness and be too compliant. Two much of a third position and we can be logical but miss out on the interpersonal emotional factors.

Being able to consciously take different perceptual positions during a communication, and especially in negotiations, is a valuable skills capability. It gives us more information about a given situation and much greater flexibility of point of view. It helps us to appreciate the influence of our verbal and non-verbal behaviour on others and improves our understanding of other people.

How to learn to use perceptual positions

This is a process you can rapidly learn to do naturally in your head. But for practice it is worth taking the trouble to physically step it out on the floor.

First take six sheets of paper (A4 or legal) and mark them Past, Present, Future and First Position (self), Second Position (other) and Third Position (coach or meta). Or you can download designs here. These allow you to mark anchor positions for different times and different people. If you are using them all at once, there are only five positions – you lay them out as a cross, with ‘Self’ and ‘Present’ in the centre.

This approach of taking physically different positions is also used in other systems such as Edward de Bono’s Thinking Hats and the Dreamer, Realist and Critic of the Disney Model. We shall return to those on another occasion.

The Perceptual Positions system helps you to play different roles. For example: in a negotiation, take the trouble to study your own position. Both emotional and strategic. Study the other participant from your own perspective.

Now step out of your position (off the Self sheet) and then into the other person’s position (onto Other sheet). Every time you move between positions give yourself a little shake, to let go of the state you were in so that you are fully freed to enter into the state of the next position. Now examine the situation from their perspective. Both emotional and strategic (especially emotional – you might be surprised how much you actually know). Study your ’self’ from this other person’s perspective. What do you learn? How is the situation now different?

Now step right out of the situation into the meta position and study the interchange and relationship between the two parties. This time – no emotion, you are away from the situation. Just cool analysis. Again, what do you learn? If you were coaching these two, what would you suggest?

You might wish to repeat the exercise, stepping into and out of positions until you have a full appreciation of the various perspectives. Then you can make the best choice of what to do next. With practice you can do this naturally in your head as a means of monitoring the situation and deciding what to do next. For example, when giving a presentation you need to be in the flow, to be aware of the audience reaction and evaluating how you are getting on.

When you try it, I expect you will be surprised at how much information about another’s perspective you actually carry in your subconscious. Even in your own case (first position) it is helpful to take the trouble to catalogue your thoughts and feelings and to notice what you see and what you hear, including that inner dialogue you might not have been aware of. Remember: as you step out of each of the positions, give yourself a shake to free yourself of the position before moving into the next one. It is then helpful to step out into the third position
and calmly appraise what you have learned, reassess what is going on. You might then like to move around again and see what more you can learn.

When learning the technique it is helpful to have someone to act as coach and formalise the questions "What are you hearing?" "What are you seeing?" "What are you feeling?" Another approach if you have more help available is, rather than you moving between first and second positions, to stand in third position and to place two helpers in the first and second positions (representing you and the other in a transaction) and to coach them to act out a situation. As you get them to behave closer to your perception of the reality, you will be able to observe the interaction independently and even ask them what they are experiencing.

The purpose of the exercises is to develop your skill in taking on each position. But the outcome is for you to develop a mental agility so that you can rapidly try each position as required during a transaction – we don’t expect you to start moving round the floor during an important meeting.

When you have explored a situation from these three positions in the present,
you can also explore an earlier state and learn a bit more about how you got to where you are. Then you can move into the future and explore how things might evolve for the parties according to different outcomes from the present situation.

In total, nine positions! I have made you floor tiles for past, present and future as well. Have fun trying it out.

USEFUL LINKS:

• Perceptual positions floor tiles

Intuitive Style – Some people are spontaneous by nature and like to decide “on the spot”. Experience and circumstances may sometimes support this type of problem solving approach. However, those who consistently use this style are – admittedly – comfortable with the “trial and error”, or “hit and miss” approach.

Limited Procrastination Style – Not to be confused with never wanting to make a decision, this style involves the delaying of a decision until enough factors have been evaluated and/or enough time has gone by for the situation to stabilise.

Systematic Style – Involves identifying and evaluating each possible course of action. Of all the decision making styles, this is obviously the most likely approach for major decisions.

Individualistic Style – Some individuals prefer to research and arrive at a decision on their own, without any active input from others.

By Consensus Style – Applies to decisions that have to, or should preferably, be arrived at as a group.

What sort of decision?

Firstly consider the purpose of the decision – is it to solve a problem, or does it require creativity?

Problem Solving requires that you:

• know something of the main aspects of the problem to be solved.
• know something of the main avenues of solution.
• collect information and evaluate each element of the problem.

Creativity requires:

• open mindedness
• willingness to explore any possibility, even if seemingly “far fetched” or ridiculous.

Then you can take account of the following:

The time available to complete the decision making process for a specific decision is probably the most important criterion in choosing the most appropriate style.

A critical balance must be maintained between how long it takes to make a decision and the time it takes to gather and analyse the information necessary to make a sound decision. While it is desirable to get the positive consequences of a good decision as soon as possible, more time usually leads to a more effective analysis of the available information.

Decision Value – Try to assess the value of a decision’s outcome and expect to spend 0.5 to 2 % of that value in making a good decision. A higher value decision will require a more consultative or collaborative decision making style.

Decision quality – consider how far the decision should go beyond meeting minimum requirements. Expect to use a style that gets the wise counsel of others if you need to exceed known minimum requirements.

b>Implementation – If you need to involve people who will be involved in the implementation of a decision, adopting an inclusive style will build acceptance and commitment to its execution.

Impact on relationships can be influenced by the appropriate choice of decision style. Adopting a style that maintains relationships will improve acceptance and ensure that future decisions are easier to make.

Additional criteria

In addition to the factors above, the following criteria could influence your choice of decision making style. Prioritise these as appropriate based on the decision being made.

• Constraints from the situation or decision environment
• Personalities of those involved in making the decision
• Information available that can support the decision making process
• Options or alternatives that have the potential to lead to a positive outcome
• The level of clarity available for understanding the needs of all the stakeholders or outcomes that will lead to a successful outcome from the decision
• Bias or beliefs that may be effectively addressed through a choice of style
• Complexity of the decision being made

So what does this mean for you?

• Recognise that your decision style influences the effectiveness of your decisions.
• Before you make a decision think about the style that would be best for the decision you need to make.
• Build your decision making skills so that you are better equipped to make the decisions you need to make.

Learning points

Make notes here: -

Natural decision style(s)

Points to consider before making a decision

Useful Links

• Find out more about decision making
• How to make decisions alone

There are four basic rules in brainstorming. These are intended to reduce the social inhibitions that occur in groups and therefore stimulate the generation of new ideas. The expected result is a dynamic synergy that will dramatically increase the creativity of the group.

1. Focus on quantity: The assumption is that the greater the number of ideas generated, the greater the chance of producing a radical and effective solution.
2. No criticism: By suspending judgment, one creates a supportive atmosphere where participants feel free to generate unusual ideas.
3. Unusual ideas are welcome: To get a good and long list of ideas, unusual (and ’stupid’) ideas are welcomed. They may open new ways of thinking and provide better solutions than regular ideas. They can be generated by looking from another perspective or setting aside assumptions.
4. Combine and improve ideas: Good ideas can be combined to form a single very good idea. This approach is assumed to lead to better and more complete ideas than merely generating new ideas alone.

To run a group brainstorming session effectively, do the following:

• Appoint one person to note down ideas that come out of the session. A good way of doing this is to use a flip chart. This should be studied and evaluated after the brainstorming session.
• Define the problem you want solved clearly, and lay out any criteria to be met;
• Keep the session focused on the problem;
• Ensure that no-one criticises or evaluates ideas during the session.
• Encourage an enthusiastic, uncritical attitude among members of the group. Try to get everyone to contribute and develop ideas, including the quietest members of the group;
• Let people have fun brainstorming. Encourage them to come up with as many ideas as possible, from solidly practical ones to wildly impractical ones. Welcome creativity;
• Ensure that no train of thought is followed for too long;
• Encourage people to develop other people’s ideas, or to use other ideas to create new ones; and

Brainstorming is a great way of generating radical ideas. During the brainstorming process there is no criticism of ideas, as free rein is given to people’s creativity (criticism and judgment cramp creativity.)

This often makes group brainstorming sessions enjoyable experiences, which are great for bringing team members together.

Other ways of brainstorming

Silent:
Let people make their suggestions on sticky notes and stick them all up somewhere visible – you can get sticky notes that are post card size or bigger – encourage people to write clearly. This technique encourages quiet people to contribute and keeps the noisy ones occupied!

Reverse:
A great way to get past stuck thinking is to ask a group to think of every possible way to make the problem worse, lose money or give worse service. Very soon they will start to see possibilities for improvement.

Round-robin:
A way of controlling the energy in a noisy group. Ask each person for an idea in turn rather than a free-for-all shouting session. People can ‘pass’ if they have nothing to say.

You can learn more about brainstorming in the New Ideas Toolkit.

Gabriele and Mick Prestidge are each, in different areas, specialists in energy. Not only do they teach it and coach with it, they practise what they teach

Here is a story of how they used muscle testing (kinesiology) to choose a new car.

Gabriele has a small car for personal use. Mick had a large family car that he had planned to replace next year.

Unfortunately, the suspension of Mick’s car collapsed a few weeks before the wedding. He couldn’t find a replacement part and was working away from home so there was no opportunity for them to shop around together.

So they were faced with finding a car for the new family, just a few days to before the wedding. Furthermore, the small car was now off the road, needing a new water pump.

Here is his account of their experience: -

Saturday morning, 4 days to the wedding:

We are looking to purchase a six to seven seater car. We haven’t yet got a car to go and view. However, we are not panicking or stressing – we have a plan.

I used the Internet to hunt and research the options on offer within 25 miles of where we live. Meanwhile, out of the blue, my wife to be gets a call from a local friend, who inquires what we are up to on the day. Gabi tells her that we are going car hunting, and before she even asked for help this friend offered to drive us for the day.

Gabi had already done some research before I got home and had spoken to a dealer, who offered a big family car that fitted the bill. She took note how she felt talking to him. She didn’t like him. She took that as an indication for her to investigate further.

From the Internet adverts of cars that fit the criteria, location and budget we printed off twelve to contact and view.

Muscle testing

One of the tools we use on a regular basis is muscle testing, also known as kinesiology. Blind testing using kinesiology we have found works best, so with that in mind we went off to the top of the garden under the gazebo in the rain to be away from others to find our new car. We intended to get the right car on that day; period!

We worked systematically through the adverts, tuning in when presented with each option and paying close attention to our individual yes/no body responses. This process took us from twelve potentials down to nine.

We then moved to the muscle testing part by holding one arm outstretched while the other person presses quickly and firmly down at the wrist, noticing how strong or weak the resistance is.

The first test is a control by stating something true of yourself. Second control test by stating an untruth, that which is not true. This gives a reference to how it feels to have a strong and weak body responses.

Now we could begin testing the different cars.

I have to say the neighbours must have thought us strange watching us taking turns pushing each others outstretched arms down.

The first round testing our responses on each advert was a viewed round, we could see which car we were testing. This narrowed the search down to eight cars, with a green seven seater scoring strongest for both of us.

The adverts were then folded so we could not know which was which. Now we shuffled the folded adverts and blind tested them in turn, holding each one to the heart and testing the muscle response. This bought us down to six cars and again both of us tested strongest on the same green seven seater.

By this time Gabi’s friend had arrived to take us on our travels, perfect timing. Picking the top three adverts we made phone calls to check they were still available, a good move as one had been sold that morning, now down to five.

The first one we viewed tested the weakest of the five but was the closest location. It soon became apparent why; the car on the forecourt was not the same car advertised in the photo but four years older, 40,000 more miles than stated and looked like it had been used as a chicken coop internally! The whole experience of the forecourt, the cars and more importantly the people running the business was incongruent with any kind of buying with confidence. As we left we were heckled by the pitch salesmen – interesting.

We received a call from the seller of the next on the list informing me he had just sold it, so not to waste our time travelling there.

Down to three. Top of the muscle tests, the green car. Gabi made a call to check that it was still available. Arriving at a large house tucked away in a leafy lane we found the green car parked on the front, very clean and in a good state for its age. The son of the business owner dealt with us, very easy to get on with. He offered us a test drive with me driving; again a good sign as in the past I have had car salesmen insisting that they drive the car – not a good way to find out if you like the seating position or how the car drives.

It started first time from cold, drove well and he told us of the work that had just recently been done to it, including a full MOT certificate. On returning to his place we informed him honestly that we still had two more cars to look at before making the decision. This is paying attention to my correct decision process, by pushing away first before a yes or no happens. I have learned that making on the spot decisions is not the way for me as when I have followed that path it has backfired on me.

Two to go, we are now on the way into London to view the second highest in the muscle testing. Just as we are about to leave the motorway I receive a phone call from the seller telling me he has taken a card payment for the car and not to continue. One left to view, which is about 50 miles from where we now are and on the upper limit of the budget!

Time for coffee and cake.

Taking notice of the day’s events we are overwhelmingly being guided towards the clean green seven seater, within the budget. We double check the last two adverts, blind. Once again the green car tests strongest. Gabi phoned again to say we will do the deal with them, not to sell it we are on the way.

On handing over the payment for the car we discovered that just days earlier it had been reduced by £250. We were able to confirm this the next day by phoning one of the previous viewers after we had found their insurance documents in the glove box. He also told me of several faults on the car when he had seen it; these are not evident now, again backing up what the salesman had said.

Trusting your own inner navigation, muscle testing trusting your own body and heart responses, trusting your own intuition and paying attention to the non logical responses, mixed with common sense and a little research, pays massive dividends.

The car we have fits the bill, we drive in comfort and it is still performing very well. What’s more, it was able to take the whole family and mother in law to the wedding.

One final development. A wedding present cheque arrived from Germany that happened to be for exactly what we had paid for the car!

Gabriel adds:

Paying attention and trusting intuition works for conscious creation and transformation of life’s experiences.

Every time Mick and I make a decision we follow our inner guidance system. And because it works differently for each of us we need to first honour it in ourselves and then as a couple.

We are so much more then the hats – mother, teacher, engineer – that we are wearing. And only when we are clear on who we are can we relate with love compassion and a sense of unreasonable happiness. Life’s circumstances are not always what they seem, but always transformational if we allow them to be so.

By the way: our wedding day was a peaceful loving and laughter filled day spent with close friends and family … even the sun came out … as we had jointly intended.

Gabriele and Mick run SMHeartRelationships
– simple management from the heart.

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I recently received an email with the following story about Anita M.

Whether or not you believe in the significance of near death experiences, read this story and think how you can use it in your coaching.

Ask yourself, and then your clients, “If you were being told that you are to be on the earth for a purpose, what would it be?”

Many people make significant changes after a major shock – illness, accident or near death – that forces them to confront their life.

As coaches, we can help people do this without having to experience the real thing.

Now read on.

I had cancer (Hodgkin’s Lymphoma), and on this fateful morning, I could not move. My husband rushed me to hospital. After doing scans, they diagnosed me with grade 4B lymphoma (the highest grade). The senior oncologist looked at my report and told my husband that it was too late, that my organs were now shutting down. I only had 36 hours to live. The oncologist said he would do whatever he could, but prepared my husband that I would most likely not make it, as my organs were no longer functioning. They started me on a chemotherapy drip as well as oxygen.Then they started to take tests to determine what drugs to use.

I was drifting in and out of consciousness during this time. I could feel my spirit actually leaving my body. I saw and heard the conversations between my husband and the doctors taking place outside my room, about 40 feet away down a hallway. I was later able to verify this conversation with my shocked husband.

Then I actually “crossed over” to another dimension. I was engulfed in a total feeling of love. I also experienced extreme clarity of why I had the cancer, why I had come into this life in the first place, what role everyone in my family played in my life in the grand scheme of things, and how life works in general.

The clarity and understanding I obtained in this state is almost indescribable. Words cannot describe the experience. I was at a place where I understood how much more there is than what we are able to conceive in our three-dimensional world. I realized what a gift life is, and that I was surrounded by loving spiritual beings, who were always around me even when I did not know it. The amount of love I felt was overwhelming. From this perspective, I knew how powerful I am and saw the amazing possibilities we as humans are capable of achieving during a physical life. I found out that if I survived, my purpose now would be to live “heaven on earth” using this new understanding, and also to share this knowledge with other people. However I had the choice of whether to come back into life, or go towards death. I was made to understand that it was not my time, but I always had the choice. And if I chose death, I would not be experiencing a lot of the gifts that the rest of my life still held in store. One of the things I wanted to know was that if I chose life, would I have to come back to this sick body, because my body was very, very sick and the organs had stopped functioning. I was then made to understand that if I chose life, my body would heal very quickly. I would see a difference in not months or weeks, but days!

I was shown how illnesses start on an energetic level before they become physical. If I chose to go into life, the cancer would be gone from my energy, and my physical body would catch up very quickly. I then understood that when people have medical treatments for illnesses, it rids the illness only from their body but not from their energy, so the illness often returns.

I realized if I went back, I would return with a very healthy energy. My physical body would catch up to the energetic conditions very quickly and permanently. I was given the understanding that this applies to anything, not only illnesses, but physical conditions, psychological conditions, etc. I was “shown” that everything going on in our lives is dependent on this energy around us, created by us. Nothing is solid. We create our surroundings, our conditions, etc. depending on where this “energy” is at. The clarity I received around how we get what we do was phenomenal! It’s all about where we are energetically. I was made to feel that I was going to see “proof” of this first hand if I returned back to my body. I was drifting in and out between the two worlds. Every time I drifted into the “other side”, I was shown more and more scenes. There was one which showed how my life had touched all the people I had come in contact with. It was sort of like a tapestry and showed how I affected everyone’s lives around me. There was another which showed my brother on a plane, having heard the news I was dying, coming to see me (this was later verified to me, as when I started to come round, my brother was there having just got off a plane).

I then saw a glimpse of my brother and me and somehow seemed to understand it was a previous life, where I was much older than him and was like a mother to him (in this life, he is older than me). I saw in that life I was very protective towards him. I suddenly became aware he was on the plane to come and see me, and felt “I can’t do this to him. I can’t let him come and see me dead”. Then I also saw how my husband’s purpose was linked to mine, and how we had decided to come and experience this life together. If I went, he would probably follow soon after. I was made to understand – as tests had been taken for my organ functions and the results were not out yet – that if I chose life, the results would show that my organs were functioning normally. If I chose death, the results would show organ failure as the cause of death, due to cancer. I was able to change the outcome of the tests by my choice!

I made my choice to live. As I started to wake up (in a very confused state, as I could not at that time tell which side of the veil I was on), the doctors came rushing into the room with big smiles on their faces saying to my family, “Good news! we got the results and her organs are functioning. We can’t believe it!! Her body really did seem like it had shut down!” After that, I began to recover rapidly. The doctors waited for me to become stable enough to do a lymph node biopsy to track the type of cancer cells. Once completed, they could not find a single lymph node big enough to suggest cancer. Yet upon entering the hospital my body had been filled with swollen lymph nodes. They then did a bone marrow biopsy to assess the cancer activity so that they could adjust the chemotherapy according to the disease. Yet there wasn’t any cancer in the bone marrow. The doctors were very confused, but told me it must have been a rapid response to the chemo. Because they themselves were unable to understand what was going on, they made me undergo test after test, all of which I passed with flying colors. Clearing every test empowered me even more! I had a full body scan, and because they couldn’t believe they didn’t find anything, they made the radiologist repeat it again!!!!

Because of my experience, I am now sharing with everyone I know that miracles are possible in our lives every day. After what I have seen, I realize that absolutely anything is possible, and that we did not come here to suffer. Life is supposed to be great, and we are very, very loved. The way I look at life has changed dramatically. I am so glad to have been given a second chance to experience “heaven on earth”.

Note: Anita’s amazing near-death story has been read and appreciated by many thousands from around the globe. To read more on her most fascinating experience and how it completely transformed her life, click here.

What lessons can you find within this story?

Do you think that it is a truth, a hallucination or a metaphor? Does it matter?

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Michael Gelb had identified seven principles used by da Vinci: -

1. Curiosity (curiosita)
   Keep a notebook or journal so that you can capture your thoughts
   Decide where you are best located to get your best ideas
   When you are relaxed, your mind is free
   Capture your ideas unformed – all mixed up together – in your notebook
   When your mind is free you can make connections
2. Demonstration (dimonstrazione)
   Demonstrate through experience
   Draw things from three perspectives
   View/think of things from three different perspectives
   Beware of believing in your own ideas
3. Sharpen your senses (sensazione)
   Listen to beautiful music, poetry, observe beauty
4. Embrace the unknown (sfumato)
   Maintain a sense of presence, use your intuition
   Integrate emotional and spiritual intelligence
   Harmony/balance of opposites – yin/yang
5. Art of science (arte/scienza)
   Use your whole brain
   Balance your left and right brain
6. Body and mind (corporalita)
   Learn to preserve your own health
   Keep your mind positive
   Healthy food shared with people you love
7. Everything connects to everything else (connessione)
   Systems thinking
   Stay centred in your highest purpose
   Find serenity

Michael Gelb illustrated his talk with a mindmap.

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When you were born you cried
And the world rejoiced.
Live your life so that when you die,
the world cries and you rejoice.

Lyrics by Kabir, music by Jody Healy.

It can be sung as a round – very effective with a large crowd (997 in Las Vegas)

Angel Fang introduced a simple exercise for two people.

Face each other and put your hands on the other person’s shoulders.Look into their eyes and say:-

I am you
You are me
We are one

Then give the shoulders a gentle shake.

Einstein: There are two ways of living your life:
Nothing is a miracle – or everything is a miracle.

Write drunk, revise sober!

Premature organisation prevents conception – generate first then organise.

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In the book I spend a lot of time reviewing the reasons why it might be so hard to know what we want, beyond the simple things like knowing we prefer the vegetarian sushi. The three main reasons are:

1. Lack of practice
2. We’ve trained ourselves to look in the wrong direction
3. We’re scared of what finding out might mean and overwhelmed by the volume of choices

Today’s experience reminded me again of how something that appears to be so straightforward is so rare.

Let me back up a little and explain.

A couple of days a week I’m a Business Advisor at my local Enterprise Agency. It’s a non-profit that provides help and coaching for local people who want to startup in business. On a typical day I’ll have five one-hour appointments with people who want to make what is a pretty major step.

The appointments are short, only an hour. I’ve not met them before And the diary is packed tight.

I want the session to be as effective as possible. I’m a coach. I know that often they will want some technical info about starting a business and I’m happy to give it to them but more than that I know, even if they don’t, that the real secret to success lie within them and its my job to pull it out so the client can see it clearly, perhaps for the first time.

Inevitably my first question is something like What would be a good use of this hour for you? Readers will recognise this as a form of the most basic coaching question – What do you want? I rarely ask – What do you want? – so bluntly because I’ve found that question is too stark and too powerful for most people. Usually, I soften it to…

What do you want to get from this hour? or What would be a good use of this time for you?

Bear in mind that most of these clients have booked a meeting because they are interested in starting a business; what percentage do you think can tell me how they want to use the hour or have come fully prepared to say what they want? 50%? Higher?

My heart soars when a client brings out a notebook with a list of questions they have thought about but how many are like this?

It’s actually less than 5%. The most common reaction is a blank stare or the slightly panicky look of some who has been caught in a spotlight. Often they have not brought a pen or any sign of preparation at all. And I’m talking about people from a wide range of backgrounds, social class or experience; it has nothing to do with culture or education.

To soften the impact I’ll repeat the question in another form as gently as I can.

If you could walk away with something when we’ve finished, what would you want to walk away with?
Or
I normally like to set an agenda so we make best use of our time, if you could get something from this meeting, what do you really want?

At this point about half the clients will get it and dredge up a list of stuff to start with and we’re off. The other half though normally start telling me a story at this point Well I’ve been working for… these I’ll have to stop before you tell me your story, let’s think about this hour – What would be the best use of our time? or something similar.

That normally does the trick and once we have a quickly scribbled agenda on the corner of my pad we can start.

Often one of their questions is about how to be successful and aside from the practical and marketing advice the first insight is sitting right there between us. How they have approached this hour is a fairly reliable indicator of how they value and use time. And that in turn can be a predictor of business success – particularly in your own start-up.

Step 1 is often becoming more like someone who knows what they want because its largely true that people who know what they want stand a far higher chance of being people who get what they want.

Reminds of this great quote from Drayton Bird:

A wise man said the secret of success comes in three parts. First, decide what you want to do. Most people have no idea. Second, decide what you are prepared to give up to do it. Most people aren’t willing to make real sacrifices.

And the third part? Do it. Most people just talk about doing something – and that’s as far as it gets.

And for you? Well why not conduct your own experiment in setting quick agendas before your meetings or noticing more about how you value and use time. Do you know what you want from the next 20 minutes?

You can find out more about becoming that type of person here:

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