NLP presuppositions for coaches

Coaching notes Coaching is a process that should be delivered from a mindset of curiosity and caring.

How we think will not only affect how we behave, it will affect what we communicate subliminally.

Here is a set of beliefs that will help you become a more effective coach. These are not necessarily true, but if you take them on board, they can turn out to be extremely powerful.

Consider each one carefully. Does it makes sense? Is it necessarily true? What would be the impact of assuming that it is true?

Now work your way through the list.

The meaning of the communication is the response it elicits.

Commentary: Words can often be insufficient to communicate a specific idea. They might lack information or the communication might be based on an assumption about how the receiving person thinks.

When you are coaching, it is your responsibility to check that what you have heard is what was meant – feed back your understanding at key stages in the process.

Also, check that your client has understood what you are communicating. This might involve checking their facial expression or body language, as well as monitoring what they say next.

You cannot not communicate.

Commentary: People often imagine that they can avoid personal responsibility by simply saying nothing. However, we communicate continuously through our body language, and saying nothing is a statement in itself.

When you are coaching, make sure that you notice what people are not saying, as well as what they do say.

There are no failures in communication, only outcomes (feedback).

Commentary: "There are no failures, only feedback."

If you accept this, then everything that you do can be a contribution to your learning. Indeed, it is well proven that the sports people with the greatest number of successes are also those with the most failures. In other words, by taking opportunities, they learn faster and have a larger number of total wins, even if their relative hit rate is less than some others.

Thomas Edison is reported to have discovered more than 1,000 unsuccessful ways to make a light bulb. But it was Edison who succeeded eventually.

Everyone lives in their own unique model of the world.

Commentary: Following on from above, your experience of the world will be different from other people's experience – so beware of making assumptions about other people.
If you keep on doing what you always did, you'll keep on getting what you always got.

Commentary: If your behaviour is determined by habit, it is likely to continue to get the same results. If you want to change the outcomes, you must change your behaviour.
Choice is better than no choice. The person with the greatest number of choices in a given situation is likely to get the best outcome.

Commentary: The more flexibility you have, the more likely you are to be able to respond effectively. In addition, the more options you already have, the more likely you are to be able to generate even more. This is why we encourage clients to develop at least three options – even when they think they already have the best one.

People always make the best choices available to them, given their unique model of the world and of the situation.

Commentary: By increasing people's awareness in coaching, we can change their perception of reality. Then they will naturally have better options or different priorities.
People have all the resources necessary to make any desired change.

Commentary: The job of the coach is to help the client appreciate both that they have the resources, and that they know how to use them. Then they can take responsibility for change.

Resistance you get is a comment about your inflexibility as a communicator.

Commentary: If what you are doing is not working, it is for you to do something different – don't be tempted to blame the other party (See No.1 above).

In a coaching situation, resistance is often a sign that you are getting close to an issue. Be sensitive, but don't give up.

There is a positive intention behind every human behaviour.

Commentary: You can interpret this in two ways – both helpful to you.

Either: Somewhere there is a positive benefit to the person exhibiting the behaviour, so find that benefit and you will understand the motivation, which can be the key to changing the behaviour;

Or: Assume that there is a positive message for you and discover what you can learn from it.