A strategy for networking and social situations

Category: Coaching Notes

One of the most useful tools I have come across is Robert Dilts' Logical Levels model. We use it in all sorts of situations. Here is an example of how it can be used to structure, or analyse, social conversation. It could be used in a networking or any other social situation. I have also included some tips to help you in such situations.

Opening a conversation

Things to talk about. Here is a strategy for finding things to talk about, ranging from the mundane to the very personal:-

Environment

Where you live and play. What you are wearing. The physical, social and emotional environment. How you got here and why you came. In Britain, it often starts with the weather.

What does it mean to you?

Behaviour

What you do – work, sports, hobbies, things going on around you.

Why do you do this?

Competence

What you can do, are good at, your particular skills, achievements. How you apply them.

What do you get out of it?

Beliefs and values

Your values, what you believe, what is important to you. What you believe you deserve, what you believe it is possible to accomplish in life.

What does this lead you to expect?

Identity

What roles you play, your identity relative to others around you, how you fit into this context.

How do you feel about this?

Higher purpose

Why you are who you are, what you are here for. How you can be fulfilled, your contribution to society. How what you do fits in with others.

Why do you do that? How does it affect others? What's so great about doing that? How does it motivate you to do what you do?

Being prepared

It is always worth having something ready to talk about and better still to use your list to ask about other people's ideas/situation.

What can you be enthusiastic about? What turns you on? Know what it is and keep it light at first. A bore is someone with no small talk, not someone with one enthusiasm!

Think, in advance:-

What might be appropriate/relevant subjects for discussion?

What could you notice – and comment on?

What could you have an opinion on?

Any jokes to rehearse beforehand?

Here's a list of conversation starters:-

"Are you alone by choice or by chance?"

"You know what I find really fascinating about places like this?"

"Isn't it interesting how the mind works?"

"Could you tell me something? What would be the most interesting thing for me to ask about you?"

"If we already knew each other, what would I say next?"

"If I were to ask you, what's the one aspect of what you do that's a challenge, either because you have to focus in to do it well, or just have to focus in to get yourself motivated to do it, what would it be?"

"Did you hear on the news/read in the paper about ......?"

“How are things with you?”

TIP: Read a newspaper, follow current affairs – and sport, look for humour.

Active listening

Remember:

Eye contact

Nodding

Smiling and/or laughing

Asking relevant questions that indicate interest

Making statements that reflect similar situations

Facial expressions

Body language that is open and receptive

Conversational lubricants

The best lubricant is really to be interested in the flow of the conversation. But here are a few to keep up your sleeve:-

"How did you feel about that?"

"What's important to you about that?"

"What did you say/do next?"

"I understand, so you said/felt/saw ........." (repeat back the substance of what they have just said)

"What do you mean by that, I'm not sure that I understand."

"Do you believe it will always be like that, or are things changing"

“I wonder what X (someone you both know) would think about that.”

A personal introduction

Prepare some personal introductions for different occasions.

"My name is .............. and I ..........."

REMEMBER: Your introduction has two purposes - to tell people who you are, and to give them a pleasant experience of you. What people will respond to is the interest, warmth and enthusiasm they feel from you.

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